Merry Christmas & Happy New Year all...see you soon!

I want to wish you all a joyous, love-filled, healthy holiday season and New Year. You have all been a huge part of my world, this past year. I had re-surfaced with this blog and it has been a great outlet for creativity and
self-expression. Your feedback has always been supportive and loving. I love this community and how we back each other up and share, and I have met so many kindred-spirits. That is what blogging is all about. It is a wonderfully supportive place to be. Thank you all!  ~ I wrote this and more originally knowing that I was planning on taking a break between Xmas and New Year's. I want to spend time with my kids while they are on winter break and want to recharge, renew and otherwise work on special projects, gearing up for the new year...then ...life happensI had prepared this post early this morning and it took me all day to get it posted, as my children have caught a stomach virus and have been ill for hours now. I am praying I am able to escape it as Moms can't get sick when needing to take care of their kids.  f i n g e r s   c r o s s e d ...

I had hoped to make my rounds to all of your blogs and return emails but it seems I may not be able to before the holiday. Please know I send you the very best of wishes for a perfect holiday! 

Merry Christmas! ~ Happy New Year!
much love & peace

~ 

See you soon!

image source: see you soon by rick blackwell

i dream a dream...

we all have a dream or dreams. one ofmine is to be able to ice skate
like a graceful, flowing, lovely, athletic ~ figure skater. i want for that ease of
movement. i want to feel the cool air on my face as i twirl in
enormous circle eights; designed by my skates and felt with my heart.
i have not skated since i was young and
want to so badly. I used to rollerblade and loved it but
injuries have made that a current thing of the past. i cross-country
ski'd and fell on my ass more times than i can count, but i had a damn good time trying.
and it should be of no surprise when i say that figure skating
is one of my favourite events in the Olympics. love to watch
the fluid movement of these ice dancers! much like ballet, so free flowing
and beautiful. just amazing! sometimes, so beautiful, it can reduce me to tears.

i suppose i think of this, when i hear,
Joni Mitchell's ~ 'River' ...a song i listen to often.

as noted by my sidebar ;)

Its meaning sad and melancholy, about losing a lover, but i love the song, music and lyrics. what's not to love,  it's soulful and sung by Joni Mitchell or even Sarah Mclachlan, just beautiful. a song that has always tugged at my
Christmastime heartstrings. and the image of ice skating
just takes me to another place and time when life was simpler, innocent or so i imagine.
eras past where skating was a loved and treasured pastime. a place for a promising date.
a time when families did something 'together'... it just stirs up so many emotions
and feelings. God, how i love this time of year. a time of endings and yet a time of
new beginnings.

Happy Christmas, all...with love

~ Gelukkige Kerstmis ~ Glückliches Weihnachten ~ 

 Noël heureux ~ Feliz Navidad ~ Natale felice ~ Natal feliz

image source: photo 1: tumblr++recklesslyming
photo 2: cestnouveautumblr
photo 3: not-long-now+-15-days

monastery of soul ...

cloistered in semi-darknessa monastery of soul greyness cold, alone
writhing in wait for days to once again
advance the light
as the deficit defeats the senses
stymies the voice,
inhibits the muse,
ensures dormancy

the need to restore compells inner action
to renew
invigorate the senses
there is no wish to wait for Springthough this rest is fiercely determinedwhile it seemingly inflicts with no remorse
quietlysecretlysomething seeps inmaking provisionsto enhance strengthto garner power
for times to come
...in love
...in hope...in uprooting an inert existence

a quickening
a  pulse
palpitations indicating
the wake up call to  LIVE LIFE
and yet
life has forced this breathing space
this adjournment in part, a design on the future?
stirring devotion from deep within
to make love, make life, make sense of all this -- all this that came before NOW

a respite
before the reckoning
a relinquishing of control
 a forcing of hands a leveling of spirit
waist deep

a cleansing

a purifying to gain
a readying for ...wisdom brought forthvia a Master Plan to cultivate
the ESSENCE of LIFE

© 2009
image source: 11_12_2008 iris_brosch

this you are...this you were...

you entered my life at a time
when things were just beginning to move...
stagnant times were had
then suddenly just before you arrived
my soul started to sway, dance, flutter

I knew of your arrival before
you stepped into my world
the veil pulled back
in recognition of youin recognition of me
life was sometimes sad, oppressive
yet I released myself
from that sadness
oppression
some of it
pulled back violently
a veil that could not withstand the test of time.

I'd spent so much time making headway
into a happier place
a happier timeyears
then you came
i smiled
i knew i was in for something tangible
beautiful
loving
mutual

your vibe,
aura,
soul
was felt,
noticedlong before I laid eyes on you.

i,  backed into a corner
for quite sometime
knew that was not the place for me*(nobody puts Baby in the corner! :)  
i have let my creative self-shineeven more
with your aid
because you've given
and given much to inspire,
  youbrought joy

all these things
that make up who we are
who i am
who you are

these are good things
these are great things
these are beautiful and we are so lucky
to have our friendship
our love
our bond
it is a bond
a bond
that is glued together
with light and love and peace
and a creative melding

such similarity between us
we knew of from the start
we loved that from the start
we love it still...

i love how we grow into
something more
more substantial
each day
each new way

i love you my friend! I do!

©2009*had to put that in  -for Patrick Swayze  (RIP)**written for a friend some time ago...
image source: Friends_Forever_by_vizionsphotography

A NEW WIP and lots of XMAS Photos...please go see!  G A R A H S T A H

she tried...

she came to this placeafter lookin'  for some peace
ridin those southwestern winds
like the  bohemian soulthat she was at her core...
she was lookin' for her next adventure,sure beat puttin' her head in the sandthe sand, leveled by the love she thought she knewbut she didn't know a damn thingcept' that he was cruel

she could put her head in the sand become the hermitbut she had a destiny
a vivid dance with
her new fate
that called from a far off place
so she roamed the mountains
climbed them
one by one
lookin' over her shoulder
from time to time ~guess that's to be expected

what was it she ran away from?
what kind of past was hers?
was she loved?
had she left a piece of herself
behind in
some old dusty town?the one
where he lived
where he turned to stone

she tried

she gave her all

but times were tough

and livin' meant more.

she had no choice
for she was one who lived
who danced beneath the light of the moon
by night and  under the benevolent sun
by day
she didn't need him anymoreshe never did,
and besides, he left long before she did
and God knowsshe tried
she gave her all
but times were tough
and livin' meant more.
her soul was tellin' her
she needed to thrive
to make love along the way
to never cry so hard that she
had to assume the fetal position and just hide away
no, that wasn't her way
temptin' it was, during those rough spells
but she had too much to do
too much to see
and so much to Believe
it was out there for the takin'

but she knew the secret was not to
take but to give her little heart out
and that ~ all her dreams would make!

© 2009
image source: rebekka_guamp240leifsdamp243ttirloosely lyrics...
*long last look, she's still carryin' that damn baggage ~ maybe, it's time to kick that to the curb!

remnants to ripples...

his warm breath and hands
wrapped her, held her
then escaped without warning
into the cool, 

vacant night
she sat leaning to touch the
warmth eminating from the woodstove that was
situated to her left and
to the remnants of him
to her right.

her gaze lingered,  for it was there that he sat
holding out his loving hands
to take hers
to embrace her
to pull her face to his
that was the moment when she  had let her heart go and finally believed...
but now she is left with remnants...
~but then, but then she felt a stirringa feeling of exaltationshe knew that her true heart was about to be found, by himher true north
all others were leading her to this Onethis Oneshe knew the others',  to a degree, were soul matesbut her best soul mate was coming
would soon be here and he would hold herin an embrace to shame all other embraceshis love would exhibithis profound interest in her, in  what she wanted and needed and who she wasat her core.and in return he would feel so lovedhe would BE so lovedbecause she would have profound interest in himhe would know he was her true northher true love

and together their love would create ripples, not mere remnantsand their Love would transcend and transform and be shared as the gift that they both recognized
as the truest gift...of the truest love...

©
2009
image source:  

Who will love me now by ~UnaObsesion

woman in love3 by ~Fort-o

*the phrase, of which, I borrowed a portion, 'love is profound interest', was coined
by Swami Anandakapila Saraswati's teacher to describe romantic LOVE.
I thought this to be in itself ~ profound!


an interesting article can be found here:
 http://www.support4change.com/relationships/love/intimacy/interest-tantric.html

southbound train to nowhere...

as she walks the tracks of her life she wonders what part he will playor is wanting him like riding a southbound train to nowhere?

 he speaks
cojoles, teases,
implies
as if he knows all that has been and will ever be

 she just wants to be free, 
yet she's tackled
like a quarterback on Sunday
wantin' to move down that field
and
trippin' on steps made
for those over three

 his freedom is
not the same as herssome say, "shackled by beliefs that have no place
 in the realm of love"
 all is not said and done!she's acutely aware
of rights and wrongs
 and invisible constraints
that pull like the white of the straight jacket
that strangles the life from
the virtuous woman
she needs to be
and she, she just wants to be free

yet she's tackled
like a quarterback on Sunday
wantin' to move down that field
and
trippin' on steps made
for those over three
~where will she be, come Winter?
when earth sleeps
and the north winds blow
as the ravens make their turn about town
with their tail feathers all aglow
what do the ravens know?...she may never know
as she rides that southbound train to nowhere...

©  2009loosely lyrics...definitely, a work-in-progress!

image source: Train_Tracks_2_by_batsforlashes

and so 'not' related to my poem.
take a listen to an awesome new song with Daughtry and Vince Gill ~ here, by pressing the orange button, once you are on the site:
http://www.elyrics.net/read/d/daughtry-lyrics/tennessee-line-lyrics-18.html

*I met Vince a few years ago, what a sweet man!...Even tho' I rarely listen to country music these days, I will always have a soft spot for Vince.
and kudos to Richard Marx for bringing these two together!
He's not only a brilliant songwriter but just plain, brilliant!

sacred dreams~ sacred love...

you entered my dreams,
sacred dreams
immersed in sensuality
in a sweet softness of
heart-soul love

my dreams
became something
something more,
more beautiful
more sacred
each time I dreamt of you

each time the Gods
allowed me to hold you in
my thoughts and in my arms

each time you spoke
without words
you let me know just how much
you loved me
how you treasured US

for years now
you have visited my dreams
held me closer than even real-life imaginings
knew me better than any real-life soul ever could

your appearance changed
each time but maintained a certain consistency
dark hair, dark eyes
yet feeling the same each time
always strong
always brilliant
always gentle and kind
always knowing that you could never harm
my heart, my body or my soul
you regard my spirit as your spirit
we are One
we are Love
we are forever joined
symbolically
figuratively
literally
spiritually in the heavens born
forever, no matter the lack of
your physical presence in the now
because your soul presence
is always there, always near
as I feel you in my daytime thoughts
and in my daytime dreams
I feel you moving closer

...and I love you


and someday, my twin-soul Love
you will enter my wakened life

and we will be forever set free...

©
2009
image source: protection_by_Vic4U (one of my all-time faves)...

vertigo...

it comes on strong
out of nowhere
...as can love

it goes
out of nowhere
...as can love

flooded with sensations
dizzying moments
equilibrium  ~ out of control
swaying
uncertaintyhead in the clouds
moving
more swaying

to the left
to the right
upside
downside
backward
forward

fluttering herefluttering there
...as
love
moves

to what degree?
what are the
symptoms of love?

Love:
sweaty palms
racing heart
tummy butterflies
lightheadedness
daydreaming
made useless
loss of appetite
no need for sleepanticipation
inability to concentrate

it's almost as if
 Love = Vertigo

but one can take a prescription for Vertigo
what can one take for Love?

...but more Love!


©
2009

image source: Vertigo pic of and by Calli* correction: pic not by Callipic by Alexandra 

temper this heart...

she stands
paralyzed
unsure
yet
wanting

she is caught
in the glitz of him

her dreams wandered
took hold, then dissipatedno chance,no chance of fruition

knowing full well
she should run
make haste
temper this desire
this need
to be near, him

for he has not proven himself to her
he has not shown that she can let go
she feels frozen in time
in that time of loving himshe remembers, all too well...
chainedin this space
this wanton space

she wants to let go
she wants to understand
this limbo, this grey space
with so many broken places
she wants
to be free to love
yet letting go does not
seem an option

she is forever having to
temper her heart...
when all she wants to do....

is to love...

©
2009written September 2009

image source:sleepwalker+by+jessica+tremp

please visit my newest painting at: G A R A H S T A H

I am bound...

I am bound to my lover's touch
his touch, feather light 
and yet 
so deep

time has passed

yet I am still bound

though he is no longer here

 no longer near

I carry him with me
day and night...
night and day...

there is pain in his absence

oh my love!



It pains me to live without
his touch
and I linger here in memories
of what it felt to live in his embrace

I carry my love
as the seasons pass
their glory only serves to remind and heighten
what was...

A little space in time
a fleeting moment
a love ~ beautiful

yet a love not meant to last

 I am bound to my lover's touch...

©
2009

image source: don__t_believe_in_love_by_drshVS

her time will come...

sheltered she remains for she is safe
from hurt
from pain
from heartachethough she endures a secret painfor she is not sharing that part of herself that is even more deeply Her
 she nurtures in the homeyet dreams of being the one nurturedthough, one thing comes before the otherat least for a time...
her time will come of this she knowsand for this she will be ready...

©
2009
image source: Mother_child_ by Howard Weingardenthis one is titled:  Out_ of _body_ journeys 

*I am enthralled by his beautiful drawings and visionary art...zoom in for the full-effect

autumn as metaphor...

Indian Summer

summoned by Autumn to make

her final curtain call

after Autumn heightened her glory

she secretly wished to retreat
but held on for just awhile longer

does she weep?

does she leave quietly

and gracefully?

she had sensed Winter  lingering in wait
yet he made no demands
because he knew his fate

she felt fragile, depleted, spent...

after all she had given,

 though, as is her way,
 she gave freely and with love
yet,  even as she gave,  the giving took something from her
it had to, as a sign to re-build her strength
for her next vital performance

~

why does she hang on till the twelfth month's near end,

after all her sacred beauty has gone?

because
even though her time is short

the letting go, is always painful...

©

2009
image source: spirit of autumn_il_ 430xN.56319247

Architect of her life...

Her story unfolded,
Her energy depleted
She
breathlessly waited, hoped…
but not today
today she moves into the crisp
new russet, tawny wheat
world covered in blue skies
that defies all other blue skies
as the grey takes a rest
as she pounds the pavement to the
breaking day
breaking convention
breaking past the lies. the fate
that only served to
weigh her down,
yet now give strength.

she now sees beyond the falseness that
consumed …
there is newness
to be found in the light of day

today
to her
it's all new
bringing hope as the ocean waves hurl their energy
against her very being
cleansing her soul that has lived its sorrows
bringing forth a gentle all-consuming love
one that has deemed itself worthy
of praise, of reciprocity,
of trust
of respect

as she closes her eyes
she intends beauty to seep into every pore of her body,
her spirit
every vein, every cell
Consume her O’ love
Consume her, yet let her keep
her Self-intact,
her faith in relationship

Let her flow between give and take
Let her exist and yet stand-alone
A woman unto herself
Unto her achievements
Her plans
Her goals

She will thrive in a new day
In a new way
Fresh as the sun as it warms the sheets
that dry on the line that sways in the breeze
As all the details of her life,
her loves, move in and out of this realm of life and living

as she comes to understand
her needs
her wants
and the difference between the two
she becomes more herself than ever before
she has a power and a strength
that multiplies as she opens her heart
her mind, her soul, to something more suited to her
and she love’s with all she has and more

she will write
paint
design her very existence
she will ease into whatever comes her way
good
bad
sad
indifferent

she will know how to proceed
as she listens more intently
to her joys, to those things that speak
to her soul and leave the
most significant mark upon her

like a tattoo or tapestry
of her life the way it was written,
intended to play out,
to be drawn, to be weaved

it could have gone in any direction but it went where
it did and it always will,
though now she will see more vividly
the direction that is healthiest for her
and she will ride that wave
with gusto
with moxy
with a sharp wit and mind to match
she will flow
she will go
…she will LIVE STRONG

As the Architect of her life that
The Gods intended…


©
2009


image source: Citadel by=petitscargot

for my newest painting visit: G A R A H S T A H

Autumn Rush...

for several more pics of Autumn country living,  click here: 

G A R A H S T A H

turning inward...

Tears turning inward



flooding her insides
as her heart becomes inflamed
with a hurt so deep
so dark
charred by an absence
of love, of respect,
of care...of him...

Tears turning inward
filling her mind
her heart
her spirit ~ with the deepest pain in the darkest placein the deepest way...
Tears turning inwardfor they have nowhere else to go
heart dying inside turning black scorched by her burning tears
deceased being
deceased heart
deceased love
deceased from the fragile state that ITonce was for love ceased to be what was thoughtthe path was decided for herand there was no chance for her, for them.
fate? decided that it was not okay and not okay for her to express her thoughts, her feelings, so she held them at bayuntil they had no choice but to move inwardas no outward release could be found...
...what decided this?she had no part...
she is left withTears turning inward.

© 2009

As you slipped into the darkness

your soul cried out for the chains

to be pried from their grip that

held and

suffocated your being

this crinoline steel-like web that's cast itself

to the winds 

to the deepest darkest places

where life has no chance to be,

to survive

what else is there to

this dance of damning qualities

within, without...

where  life has turned

brought a wickedness

from below

levels deep

hidden in disparaging thoughts

that forever drown
who she wants to be...

©

2009

image source: Tears_of_stone_III_In_memoriam_by_aphostol

sweet surrender and such... 3 for 1

bring to me

this




sweet surrenderthat lives within these shades of grey days of grey
days of grey

i come undone
when you're away
you're away
you're away...

sweet surrender
painful and sweet are you!
sweet surrender
is all i can do...

i come undone
each time your face meets mine
and we stand before this love
sublime...
i come undone

o' i dream
i dream
i dream

Until the spell is broken
 broken
 broken
all the while wondering if you're true...
true
true

if you're true...

©
2009
image source: m x 127s by scarabuss

do not take
from me that which is ME

let me always know and be at comfort
with the unknown

for we speak
we share
we commune
we devise
we plan
we exist
we acknowledge

the unknown does not frighten ME
though i have been known to frighten the UNKNOWN

for he or she knows of the Beauty
that i seek...

© 2009
image source: coh by alex vasilenko

oh, if i were you my love
i would settle in to those feelings,





the unknown
has bequeathed
upon you
and in turn me...
to not bend with such
and dance with awhile, would be
ever so sinful
a gift as this should not be
ignored
forgotten
or displaced.

can't you see this love?
or does it simply
resemble all
others you have seen?
is it different?
something special,
something charmed and magnificent?!
is it ordinary
or extraordinary?!

is is unreal or real?
you tell me my love
lend me your thoughts, love

for mine are laid out like
a platter filled with feast
symbolic of the feast of the gods
that lay at your feet and mine...

shall we partake
what a treat that would make
but as long as we do not forsake

oh my love, where shall we go?
do we flee?
or simply lay it to rest
my love

oh my love

ohmy
love...
if i were you...

© 2009
image source:couple+in+cafe...7RGgy4cxidb73efd9qv1OwYx_500  
my newest painting (especially for my kindred-spirit sisters) at: G A R A H S T A H

awakening the Muse ...a 5 for 1

she wanted

so she waited
she never quite knew which way the
wind would fashion itself next...but she held on.

was she misguided to believe? 
through trial and error
she sequestered her thoughts...no one would ever know the depth
of her knowledge
she's had no choice but to remain silent
she is aware of unspoken motives
she is aware of the said and the unsaid

 her gift? or more accurately ~
her burden
her silenceher silence

 she hides behind this knowledge
she cannot open the wound until she knows she can have  the purity and honesty
that she lives for

death of faith
death of faith

let downdisenchanted is she, from the story she lived, loved, told herself.

how can ones  faith  function and remain intact
in this pool of obscurity?
her heart downtrodden she moves on from the maize that her love has become.
a lover's choice
freedom  her only choice
freedom to loveto be loved in return...as fortune, will be hersshe will know a love like no othershe will not live behind rules, religion, or the creedof others' only those of her own making
true love...that is her creed
her religion

your kiss was not a kiss goodbye
yet your kiss remains the reason why

a song of love...a ballad...
lost... found...lost again

your kiss whispered many a tale

a collaborationof feelings
shared...

conceived in the mind,
felt in the heart
leaving an imprint upon the soul

companions in living
 in dying
though never near

imagined then realized by a
fleeting impulse as evidence was made
 touched createdand nothing will ever be the same

thwarted by imposing obligationsa life already lived

 distorted
elusive wants mixed with
inflated dreams
inflated by your kisses
the ones that

diffused light in darker days...

facets of youthat glisten in the setting Sun
dancing on raindrops as rainbows form across the skies
from one end to the other i love you!
i found you on one sideand i on the otheras we met in the middle
where forever rainbows reside...

fears have fed hurt to my loverfeeding more hurt to my fearsas uncertainties lay openbefore US like a wall made of stonethat lays before the garden planted with what if's and i told you so's
reverting to a darkened corner that is all that can be done

a pregnant pause

as my love for you

streams back & forth

between levels of consciousness

finding myself

letting go

lingering midway

between this heaven and hell

this limbo

yet whatever the Gods deem

will be so...

©
2009
image source: unknown