happy holidays...

for tracey

The Lily

The modest Rose puts forth a thorn,
The humble sheep a threat'ning horn:
While the Lily white shall in love delight,
Nor a thorn nor a threat stain her beauty bright.

William Blake

*for tracey~ for being such a dear friend ~ have a beautiful holiday!

image source:lily by john basus on flickr

dandelion wishes

~ Dandelion Wishes ~

The child within wishes to play
She dreams dreamily of another day

A time when wishes were blown in the wind
On dandelion seeds
Of white and green

Green being her favorite color
To her the color of joy

Spreading its charm
Across the canvas
In her magical landscape

Painted with the hands
Of an artist past

An artist her soul knows
As if knowing herself

She dreams dreamily
Of another day

On dandelion wishes...

~~ Calli 2008

This is another one from early 2008.

image source: dandelions by ewa

Love's fair story

Love’s fair story
Desirous of all
Plain and simple
Longed for love
Love is to be held
Within this love Song

Held at night
Within a dream
You held me tight
You pulled me close
We slow danced
While the angels played our song

So close
I felt enfolded within Such love
Such beauty
Such grace

A safeness
A security
I have not known

You pulled me to your chest
You slipped your arms around me tightly
In a sheltered embracing light
Filled with love

Words cannot describe
The beauty in that moment

You touched me!
You touched my soul!

The want
The need

Was finally
Satisfied

~ Calli ~ a dream inspired this very early in 2008

image source: The Lovers by ~Muirin007@deviantart.com

technicolor dream...

prayers answered
bliss; my souls longed for adventure.
each time I think of you
butterflies release and encapsulate me within their flight
reaching destinations
fated by love alone

take me deeper and deeper still
into these blissful moments

let me live this Technicolor dream

~ Calli © 2008

image source: pure love by frida Vl on deviantart.com

becoming one

When love is accompanied with deep intimacy,
it raises us to the highest level of human experience.
In this exalted space, we can surrender our egos, become
vulnerable and know levels of joy and well-being unique
among life experiences. We attain a glimpse of the rapture
that can be ours. Boundaries are blurred, there are no
limitations and we rejoice in union. We become one and,
at the same time, both.

Leo Buscaglia

image source: pamela hanson photography

remember when it rained

Josh Groban

"Remember When It Rained"

Wash away the thoughts inside
That keep my mind away from you.
No more love and no more pride
And thoughts are all I have to do.

Ohhhhhh Remember when it rained.
Felt the ground and looked up high
And called your name.
Ohhhhhh Remember when it rained.
In the darkness I remain.

Tears of hope run down my skin.
Tears for you that will not dry.
They magnify the one within
And let the outside slowly die.

Ohhhhhh Remember when it rained.
I felt the ground and looked up high
And called your name.
Ohhhhhh Remember when it rained.
In the water I remain
Running down
Running down
Running down
Running down
Running down
Running down
Running down

* This is a song that he himself wrote...and which could only be as powerful as when he sings it! You can find it on my playlist below.
[ www.azlyrics.com ]


image source: photo by Jazzy D

the good morrow...

The Good Morrow

My face in thine eye, thine in mine appears
And true plain hearts do in the faces rest,
Where can we find two better hemispheres
Without sharp North, without declining West?
Whatever dies, was not mixed equally; If our two loves be one,
or thou and I Love so alike, that none can slacken, none can die.

John Donne (1572 - 1631)


* Utterly beautiful!
Image source: 'promise' by blank studio.com

"the prayer" sung by my two favorite voices...oh, I love this Live 2008 version...

naked truth

Paul Éluard
(1895-1952)
Capitale de la douleur

The camera "reads" this poem in the film "Alphaville", directed by Jean-Luc Godard

Nudité de la vérité
«Je le sais bien»

Le désespoir n'a pas d'ailes,
L'amour non plus,
Pas de visage,
Ne parlent pas,
Je ne bouge pas,
Je ne les regarde pas,

Je ne leur parle pas
Mais je suis bien aussi vivant que mon amour
[et que mon désespoir.]


Naked Truth
«I know it well»

Despair has no wings
nor does love
no faces;
they don't speak
I do not move
I don't look at them

I don't speak to them
but I am as alive as my love and despair.



*I have not seen the film "Alphaville," nor translated this poem, but I do love to place them side by side when I can as it makes the poetry and the meaning behind those words so much more beautiful.

~Calli

One More Time - Laura Pausini

This is a hauntingly beautiful song written by Richard Marx. From the 'Message In A Bottle' soundtrack...sung by Laura Pausini --You can listen to this song on my playlist at the bottom of my page or visit the youtube link below...


http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=oPPyAAQ7XMc


Nothing I must do
Nowhere I should be
No one in my life
To answer to but me
No more candlelight
No more purple skies
No one to be near
As my heart slowly dies
If I could hold you one more time
like in the days when you where mine
I'd look at you 'till I was blind
So you would stay
I'd say a prayer each time you'd smile
Cradle the moments like a child
I'd stop the world if only I
Could hold you one more time
(hmmmmmm)
I've memorized your face
I know your touch by heart
Still lost in your embrace
I'd dream of where you are
(music break)
(hmmm)
If I could hold you one more time
Like in the days when you were mine
I'd look at you 'till I was blind
So you would stay
I'd say a prayer each time you'd smile
Cradle the moments like a child
I'd stop the world if only I
Could hold you one more time
One more time

Image source: from the youtube video

a tear and a smile

A Tear And A Smile

I would not exchange the sorrows of my heart
For the joys of the multitude.
And I would not have the tears that sadness makes
To flow from my every part turn into laughter.

I would that my life remain a tear and a smile.

A tear to purify my heart and give me understanding
Of life's secrets and hidden things.
A smile to draw me nigh to the sons of my kind and
To be a symbol of my glorification of the gods.

A tear to unite me with those of broken heart;
A smile to be a sign of my joy in existence.

I would rather that I died in yearning and longing than that I live Weary and despairing.

I want the hunger for love and beauty to be in the
Depths of my spirit, for I have seen those who are
Satisfied the most wretched of people.
I have heard the sigh of those in yearning and Longing, and it is sweeter than the sweetest melody.

With evening's coming the flower folds her petals
And sleeps, embracing her longing.
At morning's approach she opens her lips to meet
The sun's kiss.

The life of a flower is longing and fulfillment.
A tear and a smile.

The waters of the sea become vapor and rise and come
Together and area cloud.

And the cloud floats above the hills and valleys
Until it meets the gentle breeze, then falls weeping
To the fields and joins with brooks and rivers to Return to the sea, its home.

The life of clouds is a parting and a meeting.
A tear and a smile.

And so does the spirit become separated from
The greater spirit to move in the world of matter
And pass as a cloud over the mountain of sorrow
And the plains of joy to meet the breeze of death
And return whence it came.

To the ocean of Love and Beauty----to God.

~Khalil Gibran

*I adore this poem and could have highlighted much more of it, but chose those lines that are most significant to me...Khalil Gibran was gifted beyond mere words and he had such a deep understanding that life consists of both beauty and sorrow and these emotions of joy and sorrow should be embraced, truly"felt," and not forgotten.
~Calli

image source: belongstoserena - sorry,this is the only name on the file of photo...

Don't Go Far Off, Not Even For A Day

Don't Go Far Off, Not Even For A Day
by Pablo Neruda

Don't go far off, not even for a day, because --
because -- I don't know how to say it: a day is long
and I will be waiting for you, as in an empty station
when the trains are parked off somewhere else, asleep.

Don't leave me, even for an hour, because
then the little drops of anguish will all run together,
the smoke that roams looking for a home will drift
into me, choking my lost heart.

Oh, may your silhouette never dissolve on the beach;
may your eyelids never flutter into the empty distance.
Don't leave me for a second, my dearest,

because in that moment you'll have gone so far
I'll wander mazily over all the earth, asking,
Will you come back? Will you leave me here, dying?


Spanish translation:
No apagarse Lejos, No uniforme Por Un Día
by Pablo Neruda

No apagarse lejos, no uniforme por un día, porque -- porque -- no sé
decirlo: un día es largo y le esperaré, como en una estación vacía
cuando los trenes se parquean apagado en alguna parte, dormida.

No dejarme, uniforme por una hora, porque entonces las pequeñas gotas
de la angustia todos funcionados juntos, el humo que vaga buscando
un hogar mandilará en mí, estrangulando mi corazón perdido.

El Oh, puede su silueta nunca disolver en la playa; pueden sus
párpados nunca agitan en la distancia vacía. No dejarme por un
segundo, mi más querido,

¿porque en ese momento usted habrá entrado hasta ahora yo vagará
mazily el excedente toda la tierra, pidiendo, usted se volverá?
¿Usted me dejará aquí, muriendo?

Image source: http://midnightstouch.deviantart.com/art/He-Will-Return-35810957

blissful thoughts...

Holding onto those blissful thoughts of you dear heart
That pass through me like a graceful
Morning mist, which finds its way through hilltops
Misted with hints of blue and grey

Blissful thoughts that take hold
And set my heart aflutter
Placing a glow upon my cheeks, so pale

I can barely breathe
While taking in these visions of you!
Incredibly colorful, incredibly true

Bring your heart
Let it rest upon mine…

Kiss me
With the voice of your being...

Let me come to know you, slowly...
As we savor each ‘blessed’ moment together

Oh, and each time
You press your hands to mine-

Life and love become Sublime!

~Calli © 2008

pieces of my heart...

Pieces of my heart
Just lie there on the floor
Like shards of glass
Displaced, Forgotten
Uncolored, darkened by debris
Left to be swept up
By whom?
By what?

Or to simply collect ashes and dust
To be forgotten
To be dismissed
To be - To be NOTHING
Discarded - Destroyed
Unrecognizable
To whom?
To what?

~Calli © 2008

image source: The_Path_of_Broken_Glass by shadowfax3612@photobucket.com

On angel's wings and a prayer...

You held your arms close to your waist
When all I wanted to do was to take
Your ringless hand in mine and hold it tight

Our eyes met, and as you lowered yours
I thought "You're a shy one,"
Yet I felt your secret desires
The very same as mine

Though I also sensed a sadness,
As if your heart is caught up in something

Or are you as free as I need you to be?

My heart has been calling out to you My Angel
For such a long time
Always aware
Always waiting your arrival
On angel's wings and a prayer
You are here!

Knowing
Always knowing
That it was just a matter of time...

And just a matter of time before I make you mine!

~Calli © 2008

image source: Angel 11 by cristinaacosta65@photobucket.com

become the alchemist

Emotions untamed by your angelic ways
Emotions tangled, twisted and torn

You are my cure! my angel! my love!

Become the alchemist- turn my lead heart to gold
With your love and purest passion

Heal me with your kiss
Hold me, until together
We reach Bliss.

~Calli © 2008

unbearable sadness of being

This unbearable sadness of being
Settling in
Almost unaware
Like a dense fog of charcoal grey

Take hold!
To dissipate its cloak
That clings soiled and heavy

Ever encompassing
Does not allow one to breath

At times, there is a need to feel this
To let it be
Knowing that when it leaves
I will be temporarily free!

Until she returns
Like an incessant disease
Perpetuated by dwelling in the muck of her

Tears red and stained
Sore eyes and
Blistered soul
My heart chained in despair
Fading fast...

Leading me absolutely nowhere.

~ Calli © 2008

image source: Tap_tap_by Kenzography

beauty and suffering...

In his book 'Dark Nights of the Soul,' Thomas Moore talks on my favorite subject, the connection between beauty and suffering. And he states so eloquently, "It could be that only in the beautiful can you really perceive the depth and essence of pain, and only in suffering can you learn how to appreciate the full range of the beautiful." ...I love how he states this below:
"Listen to Samuel Barber's "Adagio" and see if the sheer beauty of the sound carries you to the transcendent levels of suffering and pathos. In addition, he goes on to say, "Read Shakespeare's Hamlet slowly and carefully. Isn't the beauty of its language the very means by which you feel the full extent of Hamlet's suffering? If the words were not so artful and pleasing, maybe you would be instructed in a certain kind of pain, but you wouldn't have the same sensual, searing participation in the insights. Beauty takes you down into experience and then up and above all human limitation."

-- Moore's insight into this is very moving to me and is expressed so beautifully. He also talks about how beauty is not only found in suffering but in bliss as well, true of course, and when he states, "But if you avoid the dark side, your sense of beauty may turn sentimental."

-- I must say that I agree with this statement for we have to learn to embrace the darkness in order to fully perceive beauty and light. Moreover, he goes on to say, "Just as materialism "coarsens" the soul, according to Oscar Wilde, so sentimentality can "soften" it excessively." Moore then says, "The course and the sentimental usually sustain each other as opposites." "Real beauty solves the split."

-- This is why you will find beauty and pain within these pages because this is the truth of our lives; this is what it means to be conscious and aware and to fully integrate all aspects of ourselves to include our dark, sad, and hurt emotional selves as well as, our happy, optimistic, open and loving selves. This is my 'reality' and my personal quest in life is to create a balance between these aspects of 'self.'

~ Calli © 2008


image source: Diaphanous Gown by Jeremy Lipking at http:lipking.com

the depths we can go...

Raw, resurrected bleeding depths
Taking me down
Step by step

Into the hell of the mind
Near a corpse of ones breath
A glass cage
Where one can see
But cannot touch

Let me in or Let me out
Whichever way?
Matters nay

A looking glass
Misted and smeared
Covered in blood with terror and fear

Let me in or Let me out
Whichever way?
Matters nay

OR is this my sin?

~ Calli © 2008

image source: thirteen_steps by ZeEnigMa at deviant art

To me, this is pure beauty...

A Lover's Call XXVII

Where are you, my beloved? Are you in that little
Paradise, watering the flowers who look upon you
As infants look upon the breast of their mothers?


Or are you in your chamber where the shrine of
Virtue has been placed in your honor, and upon
Which you offer my heart and soul as sacrifice?


Or amongst the books, seeking human knowledge,
While you are replete with heavenly wisdom?


Oh companion of my soul, where are you? Are you
Praying in the temple? Or calling Nature in the
Field, haven of your dreams?


Are you in the huts of the poor, consoling the
Broken-hearted with the sweetness of your soul, and
Filling their hands with your bounty?


You are God's spirit everywhere;
You are stronger than the ages.


Do you have memory of the day we met, when the halo of
You spirit surrounded us, and the Angels of Love
Floated about, singing the praise of the soul's deed?


Do you recollect our sitting in the shade of the
Branches, sheltering ourselves from Humanity, as the ribs
Protect the divine secret of the heart from injury?


Remember you the trails and forest we walked, with hands
Joined, and our heads leaning against each other, as if
We were hiding ourselves within ourselves?


Recall you the hour I bade you farewell,
And the Maritime kiss you placed on my lips?
That kiss taught me that joining of lips in Love
Reveals heavenly secrets which the tongue cannot utter!


That kiss was introduction to a great sigh,
Like the Almighty's breath that turned earth into man.


That sigh led my way into the spiritual world,
Announcing the glory of my soul; and there
It shall perpetuate until again we meet.


I remember when you kissed me and kissed me,
With tears coursing your cheeks, and you said,
"Earthly bodies must often separate for earthly purpose,
And must live apart impelled by worldly intent.


"But the spirit remains joined safely in the hands of
Love, until death arrives and takes joined souls to God.


"Go, my beloved; Love has chosen you her delegate;
Over her, for she is Beauty who offers to her follower
The cup of the sweetness of life.
As for my own empty arms, your love shall remain my
Comforting groom; you memory, my Eternal wedding."


Where are you now, my other self? Are you awake in
The silence of the night? Let the clean breeze convey
To you my heart's every beat and affection.


Are you fondling my face in your memory? That image
Is no longer my own, for Sorrow has dropped his
Shadow on my happy countenance of the past.


Sobs have withered my eyes which reflected your beauty
And dried my lips which you sweetened with kisses.


Where are you, my beloved? Do you hear my weeping
From beyond the ocean? Do you understand my need?
Do you know the greatness of my patience?


Is there any spirit in the air capable of conveying
To you the breath of this dying youth? Is there any
Secret communication between angels that will carry to
You my complaint?


Where are you, my beautiful star? The obscurity of life
Has cast me upon its bosom; sorrow has conquered me.


Sail your smile into the air; it will reach and enliven me!
Breathe your fragrance into the air; it will sustain me!


Where are you, me beloved?
Oh, how great is Love!
And how little am I!

Khalil Gibran


image source:La_Petite_Fille_de_la_mer_by_Karezo

dark night of the soul

Tears embedded upon my desecrated soul
Tortured and constricted,
Whilst stripping away ALL past pleasures,
Leaving nothing but remnants of a ravaging pain.

Embittered memories
Silent resentments

Sharply-madness takes hold!

Given to obsessive thoughts
Melancholy usurping gladness.

Shadows blacker than black
Movement? –Can’t you feel this vacuum?
Waves, the blackened tide
Strangling my senses, suffocating,
Blindingly leading me into this void
Dejected, drowning, catapulted backwards
Swallowed whole, with no escape.

This is my dark night of the soul.

~ Calli ©2008

Sarah McLachlan

I came across this great photo of Sarah on her site at: http://www.sarahmclachlan.com

I love if for its artistic beauty, it's gorgeous! and I have been playing 'fumbling towards ecstasy' nearly all day today. Sarah has a brand new release titled: Closer: The Best of Sarah McLachlan that came out October 7, 2008. It's on my list...

The reason for this post is just a mini tribute to her soulful work and songs. Once I am able to post a playlist here, you will no doubt find some of her songs on my list

from fumbling towards ecstasy:


All the fear has left me now
I'm not frightened anymore.
It's my heart that pounds beneath my flesh.
It's my mouth that pushes out this breath and if
I shed a tear I won't cage it
I won't fear love and if
I feel a rage I won't deny it
I won't fear love...

~ Calli

fallen from heaven

Ich habe mich in einem Engel verliebt!

I have fallen in love with an Angel!

For these immortal wings
paired and translucent,
for their divine substance,
I do thank you,
but even so I humbly beg-
Transform me, transform me!
to that other race
in your image so wondrously fashioned
and of eternal love forged.

Here is the German translation:

Für diese unsterblichen Flügel
zusammengepaßt und lichtdurchlässig,
für ihre göttliche Substanz,
Ich danke Ihnen,
aber allerdings bitte ich bescheiden
Wandeln Sie mich um, wandeln Sie mich um!
zu diesem anderen Rennen
in Ihrem Bild so wondrously umgearbeitet
und von der ewigen Liebe geschmiedet

From the Opera: 'Fallen From Heaven' - Seraphina
'Vom Himmel GeFallen'

***To me this is very beautiful as Seraphina, the angel begs to become mortal to be with the one she loves. What a beautiful thought...the angel in the image is of course male, but it still, in many ways symbolizes for me, the meaning of the lines from the opera.

...and since I am learning German I love to use it in my writing on occasion.

troubled and yet very beautiful souls

Landscape at Dusk by Vincent van Gogh

That such a final, tragic, and awful thing as suicide can exist in the midst of remarkable beauty is one of the vastly contradictory and paradoxical aspects of life and art. The extraordinary and seemingly counterintuitive level of control found in many of van Gogh's last canvases, completed just before his suicide, finds comparable calm and lyricism in lines by Russian poet Vladimir Mayakovsky who, like van Gogh, committed suicide when he was in his mid thirties:

It's after one.
You must have gone to bed.
The Milky Way runs like a silvery river through the night.
I'm in no hurry
and with lightning telegrams
there's no need to wake and worry you.
As they say
the incident is closed
The love boat
has smashed against convention
Now you and I are through
No need then
To count over mutual hurts, harms, and slights.
Just see how quiet the world is!
Night has laid a heavy tax of stars upon the sky.
In hours like these you get up and you speak
To the ages, to history, and to the universe.



This excerpt is from a book titled: Touched With Fire, Manic-Depressive Illness and The Artistic Temperament by Kay Redfield Jamison (who incidentally suffers from manic-Depressive illness and is also the author of a revealing memoir titled: An Unquiet Mind

** This poem is really profound and lovely. I am amazed at the clarity and ease by which it seems these poets and artists create, especially just before their suicides. The same seems to have held true for Sylvia Plath who wrote some of her most revealing and profound writings and poems just prior to her death by suicide at the age of thirty. As you will find this is 'The' subject I am deeply involved in researching; the correlation between psychiatric illness, melancholy, the creative temperament and its relation to spirituality or lack thereof. My research is evolving each time I find something new that sparks my creative urge to find out more...call it an obsession, but it is also a deep seated need to find the seemingly 'elusive' answer to what, why and how this happens to amazingly creative souls of this world.

~ Calli

painful beauty

"And then I became aware of all the magnificent silk wrapped about my body, and had the feeling I might drown in beauty.

At that moment, beauty itself struck me as a kind of painful melancholy."

An excerpt from 'Memoirs of a Geisha,' by Arthur Golden



Clearly Arthur Golden has a soul that understands the close connection between pain and beauty...

Separation

A concrete wall between us
Thought it tiny in comparison
To the ocean and seas.

Together once,
But for a time.

Now I linger in my thoughts
Of you...

Fighting off feelings of
Serious Blue.

Wanted to take away your pain
Had not intended to make it my own.

Separation of time, and space.

A concrete wall that separates
My universe...
From yours.

~ Calli

fear

Fear is what holds me back
Fear is what suffocates my dreams

Fear is a pitiful thing
An undesirable emotion
One that must be overcome.

Fear sucks the life out of your dreams,
My dreams, and the dreams of all who have ever existed.

Fear: What is this seemingly powerful emotion?
Fear should not be allowed
To hold us back from our dreams.

There are those who have escaped fear's wrath
Overcome and stomped out its breath.

Those are the ones who make it,
I want to be one of the ones who make it!

~ Calli

beauty and pain...

Life and love consist of both beauty and pain

~ Calli

My new blog will attempt to show this truth through words, thoughts, poetry, and art, as well as delving into the lives of various artists, writers, musicians, and philosophers, who live or had lived within shades of grey.