letting in...letting out...

16 x 20 acrylic on canvas ~ Vulnerability in love  ~ painted in 2006

shrouded outwardly**
inwardly open and raw

let him in ~ again
only to be let out
like a dog

moonlight, spot lit
severed thoughts
linger
far, the dream had come
but stopped dead in its tracks like that of
a deer crossing a meadow on  a
cold moonlit night
as it sensed danger nearby,
i sensed danger in him

i awakened to dampness
my brow perspired with anticipation
heart beat in rhythm to his
once sacred, now scared
sleep come!
how i wish to sleep it away!
to sleep him away
to sleep away his lies
his betrayals
the reality that he needed something,
something that apparently no one could give

what he needs will never be
for he is lost in a plethora of needs
none of which will hold his gaze or satisfaction

selfish needs
dark deeds

they will never be met
nor should they

his vanity
his own mirror cracks at his self-indulgence
IT cannot take
the ego he wears like a crown
a crown of thorns unto himself
though their points have no affect on me

humility could give rise
but not likely
ego? illness?
ego illness?
a psyche that is not of the norm
i am petrified that i've given my heart
to someone that has a cold
calculating
devious desire to weaken those who love

©
2009
image source: Painting by Calli
*interesting that I found this in my edits in blogger. I never posted it and when I read it, in its  immediacy, it did not feel as though I had written it. I think this happens when we *automatic write* from a place of hurting or sadness or when purging old feelings, emotions and beliefs. We express from a deep, cavernous place within and it all at once makes sense and yet does not. I love when this happens, because this is when we write from our place of Truth and what could be more profound than that. **also interesting to me is that in the painting she is vulnerable and sans clothing to depict her vulnerability and yet in the poem  she is shrouded (covered) to hide her pain. Signifies how we can be completely covered and still feel unsafe, naked and vulnerable. 
I am creating a few posts on my recent trip to Vermont. I will be posting in a series because I have so many things I want to share...stay tuned for that! butuntil then you can view NEW paintings & pics here: Patina of a Life Expressed