letting in...letting out...

16 x 20 acrylic on canvas ~ Vulnerability in love  ~ painted in 2006

shrouded outwardly**
inwardly open and raw

let him in ~ again
only to be let out
like a dog

moonlight, spot lit
severed thoughts
linger
far, the dream had come
but stopped dead in its tracks like that of
a deer crossing a meadow on  a
cold moonlit night
as it sensed danger nearby,
i sensed danger in him

i awakened to dampness
my brow perspired with anticipation
heart beat in rhythm to his
once sacred, now scared
sleep come!
how i wish to sleep it away!
to sleep him away
to sleep away his lies
his betrayals
the reality that he needed something,
something that apparently no one could give

what he needs will never be
for he is lost in a plethora of needs
none of which will hold his gaze or satisfaction

selfish needs
dark deeds

they will never be met
nor should they

his vanity
his own mirror cracks at his self-indulgence
IT cannot take
the ego he wears like a crown
a crown of thorns unto himself
though their points have no affect on me

humility could give rise
but not likely
ego? illness?
ego illness?
a psyche that is not of the norm
i am petrified that i've given my heart
to someone that has a cold
calculating
devious desire to weaken those who love

©
2009
image source: Painting by Calli
*interesting that I found this in my edits in blogger. I never posted it and when I read it, in its  immediacy, it did not feel as though I had written it. I think this happens when we *automatic write* from a place of hurting or sadness or when purging old feelings, emotions and beliefs. We express from a deep, cavernous place within and it all at once makes sense and yet does not. I love when this happens, because this is when we write from our place of Truth and what could be more profound than that. **also interesting to me is that in the painting she is vulnerable and sans clothing to depict her vulnerability and yet in the poem  she is shrouded (covered) to hide her pain. Signifies how we can be completely covered and still feel unsafe, naked and vulnerable. 
I am creating a few posts on my recent trip to Vermont. I will be posting in a series because I have so many things I want to share...stay tuned for that! butuntil then you can view NEW paintings & pics here: Patina of a Life Expressed

empty frames...

empty frames
overlap against paneled walls

once held images of a life within
and now, weather worn without

they've seen better days
memories shaped, lives lived
and so remain

a patina
that ceases to tell individual stories
though volumes adhered
to every pore of their time worn wood

their vintage charm holds a sense of pleasure, pain,
joy and deep sadness

imprints from another place and time

empty frames overlap against freshly painted walls
in anticipation of new memories, fashioned, captured

then treasured...
by US


image source: google search

© 2010

just dreaming me some sunshine and mini travels...

With the holiday weekend behind us I find myself dreaming (what else is new ;) of traveling;
of seeking, searching and capturing with my mind's eye, heart and camera ~ LIFE. The sun will not shine today but I simply love days like this. Puts me in a dreamy state. The birds are chirping and the sounds of the season are among us.  I was going through photos this morning doing some research and came upon so many that inspire me to live life more fully;  to engage when my heart desires something new. I have been so one-track minded these days and so determined to wind down some projects, that I left my free-spirited bohemian soul-self, at the curb. She needs to spread her wings. She needs a good old-fashioned road-trip equipped with camera equipment, sandals and a cooler packed with fresh fruit, and other road-trip, hands-on-the-steering-wheel-worthy-food. That would include a pack of red licorice and let's not forget my thermos of coffee, preferably a StarBucks French Roast Intensely Smoky X-Bold blend. Warning: That stuff is wicked strong so you best love coffee enough to chew on beans themselves or not have an issue with growing hair on your chest ;) cuz you're in for an experience. Back to the road-trip. It's nearing time. As soon as the kids go on vacation with their Dad, I'm off to blue skies, my beloved Green Mountains and some serious fave spot hopping. The Desert was calling but I think I prefer New England travels this go around.~ Here's a lovely place that I hope hasn't changed one iota since I was last there. This is a gorgeous bistro with an old world ambiance. Many fond memories of this place. ........in downtown, Burlington, VT

Lake Champlain facing our gorgeous New York, Adirondack Mountains.

and once I hit the road and begin exploring maybe sweet surprises will be discovered along the way.  One never knows...;)

I'm mean let's face it, if we're not open to such experiences what is the use of living. I need to shake things up but my number one rule...Safety First! I am hyper-vigilant! One must be as a parent and as a single woman in the world.  I mean hey, there are a lot of sick and dangerous people out there.
 I need to take along a travel journal this time around. I always come across these little tiny out of the way charming towns or antique shops and then forget how I got there. I am never worried tho' about getting lost as the main roads are pretty easy to navigate but isn't that the fun of traveling when you can simply EXPLORE; taking the road less traveled, cliche' ? maybe, but true! While dreaming of Burlington, there was a time when I wanted to relocate there, more than anything. I think the only thing that stopped me was that my eldest daughter was still quite young and us being on our own after a wicked break up felt a bit overwhelming. I have always had an independent streak but at times, would not or could not attempt to come out of my comfort zone. But I just fell in love with the atmosphere there. Ideally, to live nearby in the country with Burlington just mere minutes away would be perfect. The first time I looked up at those lovely old buildings on Church Street, I saw an artist working at their easel at night with the light on and realized what a vibrant, lovely place to create; overlooking the quaint, cobblestone street with  eccentric mimes and street musicians below. It's so peaceful at night, couples walking hand-in-hand browsing store fronts, sipping cappuccino's on patio's of some very jazzy places, like the aforementioned Bistro;) ...Oh, and, the restaurants there are so great!There is a fantastic, palpable atmosphere which totally draws me in. You know that scene in movies where many friends, misfits and the like come together to share great wine and delectable food, well that is the atmosphere in Burlington. So inviting. So eclectic. Very diverse and many creative people. Right up my alley.  Perhaps, if I lived there it would lose some of its charm, but probably not. I have a country heart with the inner energy of a city girl and in Burlington, I have met my match. Ahh, to dream.  No other place has given me the same inner feeling of joy that I simply have never been able to put into words. Just the mere *thought* of this place gives me that feeling. It is a transcendental experience within and gives me a sense of knowing; of belonging, that I cherish.  Maybe when my youngest kids are grown? I never rule anything out. 

I hope all my American friends had a fun Memorial day and that all of our soldiers, past, present and future, heard our praise  and prayers.
God Bless America! 

Until next time...

© 2010
image source: theres_a_thunder_in_our_hearts_baby_tumblr

Flights of Fancy?...No way!

In a secret place
a heavily guarded fortress for one
designed and implemented
to protect
to serve
An inner chastity belt ~ tightly secured.
 all the while...
the breeze wisps by and speaks loudly and with authority!
"It is open to you!
You must believe"!

"There is no war between two"

"There is no winner or loser"

"Only a right ONE, a right CHOICE".

Solace disturbed by this breeze that speaks as if it knows
what the heart does not. Penetration, regardless of chastity.
Damn this disturbance...damn this! The breeze is simply wrong,
naive, even feeble minded.

I just want to rest!

The breeze wisps by again and says, even more loudly and with even more authority!
"You have been loved with promises and where did that get you"?

"You must know your dreams will come true".
"You've done your part so yes, rest now but know it shall be done and soon".
"Time is the only delay".

"Rest now, for you will need all the energy you can muster"...

Still uncertain as to the breeze's knowledge and message;
skepticism remains.

after a lengthy sleep and soothing rest...

This heart opens like a blooming flower
Full with Fever!

Yet opening gently ~ carefully.
Can this be?
I can just be?

An affirmative, resounding 'YES' comes from far off in the distance
followed by...
"We will find
no boundaries,
no hindrances,
no confused emotions or intentions on my part or yours, my beloved.
Things that were issues in our respective pasts are just that ~ past.
They need not plague the love we are about to embark on.
Walls will crumble and fall"."We will both be FREE~ to just BE".
"This, you and I have designed together...and together we will  BE".


~AMEN to that! ;)


© 2010

image source: KnightsTreasure_LG2
I'm so sure I've used this image before but funny after my words were written I came across this pic again and low & behold...it fits perfectly!
 * Gotta love fairy tales because they can and do come true! ...
for a cute little fantasy click here: 
from the French film 'Happily Ever After' ....I just LOVE Johnny's smile/grin ~ it's so hot! and what a cameo role for him! Loved it!  ;)

*Once again, I have been an absent blogger. I'm not even sure I can call myself a blogger these days.    I am still so busy plus my laptop and connection have been
challenging me big time. I can't upload any new paintings or pics because my laptop usb ports are apparently shot.  But I wanted to make sure to pop in to say Hello!
Still renovating. Still setting up my new Studio. Still painting and working diligently on my new *secret* projects. I cannot wait for the reveal of those, at least in part at some point before September. 
....And,  Still missing you guys! 

intricacies of...

contemplating evanescence
comes a breath of life
nirvana

a soulful love

perceived emotions
movement
tangled in its intricacies

a parade of feelings
thoughts
wonderings...

deciphering
the story of ~
what was dreamed
and what we have BECOME.

© 2010

image source: 2tumblr_krk5a9S0uw1qzpe8uo1

Love for Keats
you think it almost crude to loveso fair; so much
conceived in quiet beauty
love can feign the faint of heartit springs forth from buds of weakened desiremade strongmade wholesustaining all elsefrail health ~ so cruel
 love requires its chanceits favourallow it its  earthly place, season,  time
let history know his love
let the romantic poet live within us all...
© 2010* inspired by the film - 'Bright Star' ... and by my beloved poet John Keats (1795-1821) 

as I wait for the antidoteto fuel my cure
as I was  living a liethat now revealed ~ obscure.
drifting in and outas I rest now amonglily's baredrenched in their scent existing everywhere
and yet nowhere...
© 2010

image source: tumblr*note: I have been dying to use this image ~ it's so unique! and so it may not match my prose, but hey!  :) ...and I been living that whirlwind of activity so my absence has been extended. I am making many changes, updates to my life,  my home,  my blogs and to my Art. I cannot wait to reveal my latest endeavor but time is needed, quite possibly a few more months...Instead of being absent, I hope to post my *little happenings* ~ if only to keep in touch.  Miss you ALL!!! Much love~ ME

more pics over at:

G A R A H S T A H 

let's fall in love again...

She's Back!!!!!! 

(got to get me one of these!  looks like a stylin' vintage Vespa! :)

Yes, I am finally making an appearance. It has been a whirlwind of activity. I hadn't planned on being away so long, let alone at all. Life has been busy! In good ways! I have been doing small remodeling projects. Re-decorating rooms in my home and prepping for larger remodeling projects that should be taking place soon (fingers crossed). Kids were on break from school. I also traveled to Arizona (my home away from home), and while there, stood up in my best friend's wedding! ... caught a bad cold upon return :( ...It was a very fast and furiously fun trip. We had a fabulous time and because it was short, I am already planning a return trip. I used to live in AZ and though I don't think I would enjoy living there now, it is so great to visit in February and have the most beautiful temps,  in the 70's = perfection! I especially love the nights in AZ.  It's so beautiful to sit outside enjoying a glass of wine hanging out with friends, old and new. We didn't have much downtime due to wedding preparations,  pedicures, hair, shopping, rehearsal dinner, etc. The outdoor wedding turned out so lovely and we managed to escape the forecasted rain. And for additional FUN that night we visited an Irish Pub and listened to a great band...Love the banter that goes on between the band and the audience...so much fun! Felt like I was in the film PS I Love You ~ the only thing missing was Gerard Butler ;) I wanted so badly to get up and dance like they did in Riverdance and Lord of the Dance...but instead you dance with your hands pounding on the table to the beat; very hypnotic! Feels a bit like static dance, definitely groovy :)
I miss the desert already and my best friend!

I also wanted to touch base to thank all of you, my sweet blogger friends  for sending notes and comments wishing me well and wondering where I've gone to. I appreciate your hanging in there during my absence. I miss visiting all of you and hope to do so very soon. Honestly, I am amazed I ever had time to blog before as things have just picked up so much, partly due to the warmer weather. I have sooo many new projects going on and I am very excited for several of them. It's amazing the mental *energy* and *optimism* that spring provides...


sunrise my first morning in AZ...

this was the house they rented for us...I loved the way the sun was touching the clay rooftops in the early morning sun...:) 

these were the best I could do for pics...sooo busy I forgot to pack my usb cord for camera :( so my memory card was full...:( but you get the idea....more pics over at:
G A R A H S T A H 

See You All Soon!!! 

image source: tumblr and all desert pics by Calli

cheers to love...

love 

 

love ...
(the key)

let love rest upon my breast

         my soul

let it nurture my want of you

let if feed upon all that you are

and all that i am 

when i am with you

we are unstoppable

we are !

i am

you are

no two more made for  LOVE

there was a time not long ago
when true love seemed impossible, tainted
but LOVE is always possible

you are here

i am here

we have found what we have both

always wanted,

always  needed 

some things are just meant to be

you are LOVE

happy Valentine's day...

~
Happy Valentine's Day  to all of you!!!!!
Spread the love...

© 
2010
image source: Marion Cottilard (french actress),  key to my heart, 
'Heart on the Mend' a paintng by Calli  - 2006, 
hands, and lolz.ir

purging the way back into love...

Feeling an urging, a purging, a clearing the way (symbolically) just in time for Valentine's Day!!!

How often do we find ourselves - HURT and wondering how in the hell did I let that happen - again?
We let it happen because we trust and as we all know we can trust to the point of being oblivious to the truth. The phrase love is blind coined by Shakespeare,  was/is too true.

But at the same time, love is grand! It is everything! Love is what urges me on each & every day. I am a hopeful romantic. You all know I believe that is the main reason we are here. When I write about love it is usually one extreme to the other and that 'something' in between. That's the way love goes. We can be fiercely, passionately in love or complacent in that love or we can feel a comfort level , a safeness within that love or anything in between.  I love the grand, fiercely passionate kind of love and I think that can be found and still bring about that sense of comfort and safeness. BUT, we do this ourselves;  for ourselves.  IF we're smart we will make sure we feel this in our own lives, in our own hearts before taking on another love. You would think this knowledge could come at an earlier time in ones life? You would think that once this knowledge came the message would stick?...but not always the case because  love is blind or it can be. I think when we are in love all sense goes out the window, if we're not careful.  IT would be so great if we all knew at a very young age  but chances are we live. we love, we eventually learn.  IT doesn't matter so much what someone; a parent or a mentor tries to teach us. We have to experience, plain and simple. But I always try to instill in my children that they themselves create their own happiness and that love can only add to the richness in their lives. I will keep telling them that,  until I finally get it...... ;)

a poem of purging:

feigned emotions
a counterfeit love
designed
a forgery to the heart

for what?
what purpose?
to understand, one must
enter the mind of a womanizer

he puts forth exhaustive efforts
to make women fall ~
and fall they do...

until they crash and burn
(some bitterly)
to the depths of her own hell

until she realizes
that she cannot live his lie  she will not be his conscience

she'll move heaven & earth
to once again

seek her own beautiful truth
~

sweet images... THAT is the way it should feel...and even with the commercialization of the all too dreaded Valentine's Day...I still believe in LOVEbut if love  lets me down again...
you can find me here....;)

©
2010
image source: veza1_largenbsp; tumblr images and
Cowgirl_in_Heaven+thestoeckleincollection


and a quote I really like: make that love! 

by Howard Zinn

To be hopeful in bad times is not just foolishly romantic. It is based on the fact that human history is a history not only of cruelty, but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, kindness.
What we choose to emphasize in this complex history will determine our lives. If we see only the worst, it destroys our capacity to do something. If we remember those times and places -- and there are so many -- where people have behaved magnificently, this gives us the energy to act, and at least the possibility of sending this spinning top of a world in a different direction.

And if we do act, in however small a way, we don't have to wait for some grand utopian future. The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory.

new paintings to be found at...

G A R A H S T A H

hope you'll visit me there ...

and to all of you who stopped by 

and commented so generously on my interview with Cynthia of:

http://poemflesh2.blogspot.com/

thank you so much...

POEMFLESH2: DIALOGUE - an interview...

Hi Everyone! …I would love for

you to visit my dear friend and fellow blogger Cynthia of POEMFLESH2: DIALOGUE.  Cynthia asked if I would like to be a part of her new blog format and partake in an interview about my art and poetry. Obviously, I was thrilled to do so and it was so enjoyable.  Plus it gives me the opportunity to lighten things up a bit around here and engage in some shameless and tawdry self-promotion ;) ...LOL

And, it goes without saying, I really love her poetry …Please visit her, check out our dialogue and move slowly back through her pages for her intelligent, intriguing, sensual and captivating work. 

Many of you already know her but for those who do not, just know you will be delighted.

Thank you all...
And Thank you so much, Cynthia! See you there...
http://poemflesh2.blogspot.com/

She is on one side of Truth, He on the other...

discontent swallows whole

ALL those things once held dear

discontent

and a heavy heart

wavering…

a tug of war

between empowering thoughts

and the fall of tears

discontent

makes time stand still

as restless longing

turns to need

for sleep

for a rainy day

for the trail of tears

to be kissed away and made right

by the one who inflicted the wrongs

but what she really needs

is to find peace

in the knowing

that the only thing REAL are her tears

and those things she held dear

sadly ~ were not

She is on one side of Truth and He on the other…

 ©

2010

 image source: woman_crying_1jpg