within shades of grey exists a place...

a discourse on intimacy...

2011-02-13T23:11:00.037-05:00

Elizabeth Gilbert writes in her book , 'Committed'...
"We yearn for private intimacy even though it's emotionally risky. We yearn for private intimacy even when we suck at it...We yearn for private intimacy even when we are told that we should yearn for something else, something finer, something nobler. We just keep on yearning for private intimacy, and for our own deeply personal set of reasons. Nobody has ever been able to completely sort out that mystery, and nobody has ever been able to stop us from wanting it."
~
It is innate, this need. I believe, above all else, we need intimacy, we crave it, we have an intrinsic need to be known and understood and for many, this need outweighs all others. To simply exist in the world without deeply sharing with another is unfathomable to me. We can truly feel we know ourselves so completely but we have that desire to have that special someone know us just as completely. Someone that knows us in all of our earthly, soulful and spiritual glory. This speaks of true intimacy.
I first learned of something called 'split aparts' or twin souls in college while taking a Philosophy of Religion course taught by a wonderful teacher and priest. I loved this course immensely. It was truly fascinating and birthed my love of all things mystical and philosophical. Anyway, getting back to this ancient theory. Here, it begins with Plato, from his Symposium, though the essence of this theory has been seen throughout all of history. Here is a quote from Plato.

“And when one of them meets with his other half, the actual half of himself,
the pair are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy and
one will not be out of the other’s sight even for a moment.”
~ Plato
2,500 years ago

Throughout our lives, relationships can come close to meeting this intimacy level, but somehow fall short, whether through our own failure, our beloveds failure or clearly a combination of both or simply our fate has not yet been graced with this explicit soul. I believe that as we evolve we come closer to meeting this IDEAL within ourselves and within the other. The ideal love, the ideal mix of two, made into One. Not everyone has this requirement nor gives it much thought. However, many, especially those spiritually and mystically inclined crave this after they've done the work of living, loving and not having relationships measure up. On rare occasions the very young can find this ideal early on, but I have witnessed repeatedly, this ideal making its appearance later in life. To be clear, some people never find their ultimate soul mate in this lifetime. Some believe that their twin soul can exist in the ethereal plane yet the connection is as real as if they were here (but that is another story).
No one should ever give up this dream of sharing the truest intimacy with a beloved. This exists if we open our hearts and souls to the ideal, as well as, the reality. I feel we can find practical, companionship type, mutually respectful relationships, but they may be lacking in the passionate, romantic sense; in that deep soulful way. I also feel that at different points in our lives we may find ourselves experiencing exactly that; the companionship type of love, but underneath it all, can be a LONGING ~ that ancient need to meet our truest beloved possible. Maybe God did create us in this manner. Maybe this idea of an androgynous soul blended with female/male, yin/yang nuances; destined to come together, is our Reality? That one day or lifetime for that matter, after working out our individual balancing of male/female energies, as well as, reaching a certain evolutionary level or level of enlightenment, we are then finally 'complete' enough in our Selves to meet our other half; who has also done the same work.
There are so many variations on the theory of twin souls but its essence is that we will always have this DESIRE to reunite with our other-half, that we will finally become whole and experience the most beautiful, sacred kind of romantic love that exists.

It wasn't simply Plato who wrote on the subject, Edgar Cayce did, the Sufi mystic poets, Hafiz, Rumi and Persian mystic, Khalil Gibran. If my memory is correct, Walt Whitman and Emerson had as well. Either way, it is a fairly well-known concept. When I think of this and believe me I spent much time reading up on the subject, I realized that this 'theory' can put us into a place of severe, perpetual longing with no manifestation of said twin soul in sight. That is not a good thing. Sure, we can share intimacy with one to whom is not necessarily our truest soul mate, or mirror-image, or shares with us an equal energetic/spiritual vibration but there is that all-consuming, compelling nature or idea of meeting one who IS our true other-half or split apart as Plato had termed it, and that can be overwhelming.

An anonymous quote found via the compelling book I'm reading titled: 'The Meaning of Mary Magdalene' by Cynthia Bourgeault, speaks of this kind of love: "True love is a transforming force and is really the birth-pangs of a union on a higher plane."

This *union* on a higher plane is said to be a true conscious love, the most intimate of soul connections. I completely resonate with the use of the word *pangs* ...for this is exactly what this NEED feels like.

This love, also written about in the 'Song of Songs' '...which has been, and will always be interpreted differently, depending on what an individual perceives as its true message. This poem or song, from the Old Testament is incredibly beautiful and even erotic. Having been written so long ago, testifies to the fact that this "LOVE"; this intimacy of joining and connection, has been around

F O R E V E R and will remain as such, whether taken to describe love of God or love of the beloved, it matters not.

Here's a passage:

"Place me as a seal upon your heart,

as a seal on your arm.

Strong as Death is love;

intense as Sheol is its ardor.

Its shafts are shafts of fire,

flames of Yah.

Deep waters cannot quench love,

nor rivers sweep it away."

*Yah (Yahweh) means Holy Love

More love quotes:

"The most powerful symptom of love is a tenderness which becomes at times almost insupportable. " -Victor Hugo

Can you tell I have LOVE on my mind? and it has nothing to do with Valentine's Day, it is simply the nature of life and my most treasured of topics.

And, excuse my tangent, this is what I originally came here to post.

Unspoken affections

cloaked in Winter's white

though time is nearing; tis' almost ripe!

this dialogue of want between

intimate souls

a lifetimes affliction? or

the most sublime of woes?

More lovely quotes:

"Sometimes your nearness takes my breath away; and all the things I want to say can find no voice. Then, in silence, I can only hope my eyes will speak my heart." - Robert Sexton

"We are all born for love... it is the principle existence and its only end."
- Benjamin Disraeli

~
It's obvious this topic of intimacy, love, soul mates and twin souls, could go on indefinitely, but I'll let it rest...for now ;)

I hope you all have a most beautiful and loving Valentine's Day ~ Make CUPID proud! :)

image source: Lovers Embrace by Henry Asencio

Until next time...

impatient vows

2011-01-13T11:11:00.003-05:00

impatient vows
seek to understand

conceived in the heavens
fate actuating
the onset
as well as the duration

I cannot force alteration
I cannot escape the inescapable
I can only gleam the force
and imagine its impact

I cannot push nor pull
I cannot calibrate it

I can only celebrate
in its coming to pass

I cannot ply between fingers to make REAL
I cannot paint it on canvas
or weave it into existence

Free will allows me to play a part
but all is divinely appointed
~ awaiting consummation

as impatient vows
seek to understand

until we meet again...

image source: what to do ~ deviantart

a visceral existence...

2011-01-07T11:11:00.001-05:00

a Visceral Existence
proclaimed
defined by efficacy of Light

conviction of soul
as One befalls this Plane to the next
dormancy
withholding
gaining momentum that governs the way from and to sacred mansions
To Fracture the Membrane

the veil excised
there is no reverse path

for birth is raw
life is raw
and LOVE is raw

tethered to seeds of knowledgeRooted in the Sacred
tethered to a sublime, indescribable Force

lifetimes projected
probabilities viewed
manifestations proven

To Fracture the Membrane
is to live a Visceral Existence
To Awaken...
To become REAL

image source: asemente

PLEASE visit me here to see what I have been up to : NEW PAINTINGS

Oh Hey 2011

2011-01-01T12:54:00.000-05:00

Amazing that it's already the year 2011. Happy New Year to all of you!!! In 2010 I had a virtually non-existent blogging year. I had not planned it that way. I also didn't plan to be away for the last four months in a row, yikes, but life has been busy in good ways :).... Okay, enough of that. My wish for all of you is that you experience a year filled with LOVE, joy, prosperity and good health. I want all those things for you but also I want you to have a great year for self-expression and creativity!!! I want the same for myself. This is why we blog. This is why we write and why we paint and why we do what we do. This is how we express our needs, desires, but most importantly our individuality and our essence. What can be better than that!

I hope to visit all of you and be back here much more often in the new year. Forgive my absence. And one more thing, while it's tradition to make resolutions this time of year, let's not forget to acknowledge what we have accomplished in the past year. Each day we live, we learn, we grow and we're getting better all the time, so celebrate it! Celebrate YOU! Gratitude is a must for ourselves and for those we love and for those we will love in the new year!

Magical blessings my friends and much love!

image source: tumblr

puzzle pieces fall together...

2010-08-26T14:40:00.001-04:00

there was that moment when all the benign pieces fell into place.
the vague nuances lit clear

in an instant reality set in

yet it felt like if one misstep ~ poof, it could all disappear

started out with a 'crash'
cosmic combustion
allied forces you and me
unknowns in this game

subtleties here, there, everywhere
then silence
no movement
...albeit intentional
a girl's got to take time to receive,
process, that's how she rolls.

reappearances
wonderings multiplied
spread like wildfire
who? what? does he?
doesn't he?

a game
a chance at testing the proverbial waters
oh, but such beautiful waters
and eyes so blue

to be a slave to one's own heart,
to dance
this dance with soul; a fated soul
long lost, then found

oh such a place
designing this; this business of beauty, of love

creating a pair out of the singular

having a wish
a want
a desire to move forward, always forward
at times, at a snails pace
at times, like a rushing whitewater rapid
that threatens to engulf ever so completely
drowning all that has been or will ever be

the magnet drawing closer
pulling
the magnet had a name
it was calling out to another
who also had a name

a joy this dance of love
a gift
possibilities stirring the sweet senses

the no-nonsense I must have you now!
but am told waiting is a necessity

but I will wait
you are worth the wait

and if it all leads to you
I would die in the arms of uncertainty
letting fate tell a timeless tale
I'd relive each & every moment
again and again
the heartaches, the pain
as long as it leads to you.

for it is you whom i was fated
for it is you my soul chose so long ago
it is you that ripens my desire, my destiny
and catapults it into the stratosphere

we do this for each otherbecause We are Two, lying in wait
fated to be One.

image source: Born to be Alive_tumblr

final trip pics here: the patina of a life expressed...

This is bliss...

2010-08-05T20:19:00.002-04:00

that knowing feeling
fated love
enlightens
resurrects what holds true
lies could not withstand the force of this beauty

you and I different yet so alike
two hearts
true hearts

once you spoke
i came undone
life as i knew it would never be the same *

how is it that we were chosen?
how is it that grace had so gently
placed you within my heart center
where you grew for so many months

and it is I that feels sheltered
those moments
that one in particular, you know the one
where you looked out for me
for no other reason than to be gentle and kind

compassion runs deep in you
you are true
my Mr. blue
you are true

i can finally *see*
questioning for so long
when all i had to do was hear you
see you, listen intently!
study your eyes that light up when i say something,
anything, you seem to find it amusing and i love to watch
you stand there with that look in your eyes
that sparkle
i see you wanting me
i see you seeing me wanting you

aren't we the lucky ones?
though i've no doubt that if love were made to be earned
you and i deserve this love

i am unable to find the word to describe you
to say something about what you do for me
one word isn't enough
no sentiment could come close to
explaining you
my gift
my love

playfully you join me
playfully we seek
we are granted so much joy
we can't help but smile like Cheshire cats
or giggle like the children who play in the fountain

we are them
we have been touched by the grace of God
we worked so hard
we believed for so long
we healed
we have been rewarded tenfold

because of you
i will always be a believer
the presence of you
is proof of the presence of a Supreme Being

we are gifted this togetherness
we get to love
cherish
hold
share
keep
design
create
and sigh each chance we get because we know
how fortunate
and how blessed
we are

we know what all souls strive to find; to feel
most can only hope but we were gifted and
though we paid our dues
we always knew we would find
US
we never gave up hope

always walk with me
hold my hand in yours
let us never forsake or take for granted what we have been given

i love you
i do

i take you forever
and by the grace of God
forever we will be...

© 2010
image source: may_i_never_be_perfect_
* taken in part from a sweet line from the film 'PS I love you'...

view my recent travel pics here: the patina of a life expressed...

cleaning house...a 4 for 1

2010-08-04T20:54:00.001-04:00

Amazing the affect one can have on us. They free us to feel and even though that can bring vulnerability and pain; it is a beautiful opening, regardless.

We live, we love, we learn

She says as she cleans house…

Delicate intentions

Sublime wishes

A subterfuge of evil?

Reminders of truth

Laid out like lines of cocaine

On the mirror of the one about to snort that blow

Sad like that of a cocaine addicted soul

Lies that weave in and out

Get inside; fester

Damage

Heightened atmosphere

Then the crash, fall and burn

Cupid’s arrow struck ~ took hold ~ then bottomed out

adrenaline

The rush of blood in veins

The rush of love

The rush of love’s crash and

ultimate burn

Herein lies the DEATH of illusion…

Love bordering on graffiti~

What began with a fresh clean slate

stars collided

Mingling about the cosmos

all seeing,

All knowing

commenced sharing, and sweet communion.

Until it became known that

The trueness = pure lies

unadulterated garbage

A womanizer by day

A writer by night

A weaver of moments~ So captivating

Oh and those sentiments; weaved so expertly

She had never known that someone could, or would even want to feign emotion

It’s not as if she hadn’t suspected, she had

She's a skeptic by nature

She's had to be

Perhaps a self-fulfilling prophecy?

For she knew all along but still held belief

Yet for what?

And why?

She felt as though she was his conscience

Though the whys may never be answered

lesson were learned

Amazing what can take place in a year’s time

They came and went

Now she is stronger

Fearless

Determined

She is once again catapulted to

Goddess Status

where she is living her truth

And that

Is all that matters

a synopsis

bent,
stirred

cold remains

good eradicated

lacking dispensation

solitary designed

yet creative efforts survive

grey palettes

the wash and wear of life

dissonance

silencing the beast

that lay within

for the veil that separates

the vividly real from the ethereal
has vanished

she is at peace

embattled

for sin

day old corpses

resurrect come day three

the final challenge

intense weeping

tiny thrusts

thread bare

broken

manufactured dreams

lay flat

the beast

circles

dispensing of illusion

cleaning house (metaphorically speaking),

emptying journal pages

leaving worn out beliefs and hurtful people behind...
thank God bad is but a blip on the radar of life...
sometimes, you just have to just say "Fuck Off Already!!! "

Life is good!

image source: joe curtin _we heart it

letting in...letting out...

2010-07-26T18:12:00.001-04:00

16 x 20 acrylic on canvas ~ Vulnerability in love ~ painted in 2006

shrouded outwardly**
inwardly open and raw

let him in ~ again
only to be let out
like a dog

moonlight, spot lit
severed thoughts
linger
far, the dream had come
but stopped dead in its tracks like that of
a deer crossing a meadow on a
cold moonlit night
as it sensed danger nearby,
i sensed danger in him

i awakened to dampness
my brow perspired with anticipation
heart beat in rhythm to his
once sacred, now scared
sleep come!
how i wish to sleep it away!
to sleep him away
to sleep away his lies
his betrayals
the reality that he needed something,
something that apparently no one could give

what he needs will never be
for he is lost in a plethora of needs
none of which will hold his gaze or satisfaction

selfish needs
dark deeds

they will never be met
nor should they

his vanity
his own mirror cracks at his self-indulgence
IT cannot take
the ego he wears like a crown
a crown of thorns unto himself
though their points have no affect on me

humility could give rise
but not likely
ego? illness?
ego illness?
a psyche that is not of the norm
i am petrified that i've given my heart
to someone that has a cold
calculating
devious desire to weaken those who love

©
2009
image source: Painting by Calli
*interesting that I found this in my edits in blogger. I never posted it and when I read it, in its immediacy, it did not feel as though I had written it. I think this happens when we *automatic write* from a place of hurting or sadness or when purging old feelings, emotions and beliefs. We express from a deep, cavernous place within and it all at once makes sense and yet does not. I love when this happens, because this is when we write from our place of Truth and what could be more profound than that. **also interesting to me is that in the painting she is vulnerable and sans clothing to depict her vulnerability and yet in the poem she is shrouded (covered) to hide her pain. Signifies how we can be completely covered and still feel unsafe, naked and vulnerable.
I am creating a few posts on my recent trip to Vermont. I will be posting in a series because I have so many things I want to share...stay tuned for that! butuntil then you can view NEW paintings & pics here: Patina of a Life Expressed

empty frames...

2010-06-08T14:22:00.000-04:00

empty frames
overlap against paneled walls

once held images of a life within
and now, weather worn without

they've seen better days
memories shaped, lives lived
and so remain

a patina
that ceases to tell individual stories
though volumes adhered
to every pore of their time worn wood

their vintage charm holds a sense of pleasure, pain,
joy and deep sadness

imprints from another place and time

empty frames overlap against freshly painted walls
in anticipation of new memories, fashioned, captured

then treasured...
by US

image source: google search

just dreaming me some sunshine and mini travels...

2010-06-01T12:22:00.000-04:00

With the holiday weekend behind us I find myself dreaming (what else is new ;) of traveling;
of seeking, searching and capturing with my mind's eye, heart and camera ~ LIFE. The sun will not shine today but I simply love days like this. Puts me in a dreamy state. The birds are chirping and the sounds of the season are among us. I was going through photos this morning doing some research and came upon so many that inspire me to live life more fully; to engage when my heart desires something new. I have been so one-track minded these days and so determined to wind down some projects, that I left my free-spirited bohemian soul-self, at the curb. She needs to spread her wings. She needs a good old-fashioned road-trip equipped with camera equipment, sandals and a cooler packed with fresh fruit, and other road-trip, hands-on-the-steering-wheel-worthy-food. That would include a pack of red licorice and let's not forget my thermos of coffee, preferably a StarBucks French Roast Intensely Smoky X-Bold blend. Warning: That stuff is wicked strong so you best love coffee enough to chew on beans themselves or not have an issue with growing hair on your chest ;) cuz you're in for an experience. Back to the road-trip. It's nearing time. As soon as the kids go on vacation with their Dad, I'm off to blue skies, my beloved Green Mountains and some serious fave spot hopping. The Desert was calling but I think I prefer New England travels this go around.~ Here's a lovely place that I hope hasn't changed one iota since I was last there. This is a gorgeous bistro with an old world ambiance. Many fond memories of this place. ........in downtown, Burlington, VT

Lake Champlain facing our gorgeous New York, Adirondack Mountains.

and once I hit the road and begin exploring maybe sweet surprises will be discovered along the way. One never knows...;)

I'm mean let's face it, if we're not open to such experiences what is the use of living. I need to shake things up but my number one rule...Safety First! I am hyper-vigilant! One must be as a parent and as a single woman in the world. I mean hey, there are a lot of sick and dangerous people out there.
I need to take along a travel journal this time around. I always come across these little tiny out of the way charming towns or antique shops and then forget how I got there. I am never worried tho' about getting lost as the main roads are pretty easy to navigate but isn't that the fun of traveling when you can simply EXPLORE; taking the road less traveled, cliche' ? maybe, but true! While dreaming of Burlington, there was a time when I wanted to relocate there, more than anything. I think the only thing that stopped me was that my eldest daughter was still quite young and us being on our own after a wicked break up felt a bit overwhelming. I have always had an independent streak but at times, would not or could not attempt to come out of my comfort zone. But I just fell in love with the atmosphere there. Ideally, to live nearby in the country with Burlington just mere minutes away would be perfect. The first time I looked up at those lovely old buildings on Church Street, I saw an artist working at their easel at night with the light on and realized what a vibrant, lovely place to create; overlooking the quaint, cobblestone street with eccentric mimes and street musicians below. It's so peaceful at night, couples walking hand-in-hand browsing store fronts, sipping cappuccino's on patio's of some very jazzy places, like the aforementioned Bistro;) ...Oh, and, the restaurants there are so great!There is a fantastic, palpable atmosphere which totally draws me in. You know that scene in movies where many friends, misfits and the like come together to share great wine and delectable food, well that is the atmosphere in Burlington. So inviting. So eclectic. Very diverse and many creative people. Right up my alley. Perhaps, if I lived there it would lose some of its charm, but probably not. I have a country heart with the inner energy of a city girl and in Burlington, I have met my match. Ahh, to dream. No other place has given me the same inner feeling of joy that I simply have never been able to put into words. Just the mere *thought* of this place gives me that feeling. It is a transcendental experience within and gives me a sense of knowing; of belonging, that I cherish. Maybe when my youngest kids are grown? I never rule anything out.

I hope all my American friends had a fun Memorial day and that all of our soldiers, past, present and future, heard our praise and prayers.
God Bless America!

Until next time...

Flights of Fancy?...No way!

2010-05-25T10:34:00.000-04:00

In a secret place
a heavily guarded fortress for one
designed and implemented
to protect
to serve
An inner chastity belt ~ tightly secured.
all the while...
the breeze wisps by and speaks loudly and with authority!
"It is open to you!
You must believe"!

"There is no war between two"

"There is no winner or loser"

"Only a right ONE, a right CHOICE".

Solace disturbed by this breeze that speaks as if it knows
what the heart does not. Penetration, regardless of chastity.
Damn this disturbance...damn this! The breeze is simply wrong,
naive, even feeble minded.

I just want to rest!

The breeze wisps by again and says, even more loudly and with even more authority!
"You have been loved with promises and where did that get you"?

"You must know your dreams will come true".
"You've done your part so yes, rest now but know it shall be done and soon".
"Time is the only delay".

"Rest now, for you will need all the energy you can muster"...

Still uncertain as to the breeze's knowledge and message;
skepticism remains.

after a lengthy sleep and soothing rest...

This heart opens like a blooming flower
Full with Fever!

Yet opening gently ~ carefully.
Can this be?
I can just be?

An affirmative, resounding 'YES' comes from far off in the distance
followed by...
"We will find
no boundaries,
no hindrances,
no confused emotions or intentions on my part or yours, my beloved.
Things that were issues in our respective pasts are just that ~ past.
They need not plague the love we are about to embark on.
Walls will crumble and fall"."We will both be FREE~ to just BE".
"This, you and I have designed together...and together we will BE".

~AMEN to that! ;)

© 2010

image source: KnightsTreasure_LG2
I'm so sure I've used this image before but funny after my words were written I came across this pic again and low & behold...it fits perfectly!
* Gotta love fairy tales because they can and do come true! ...
for a cute little fantasy click here:
from the French film 'Happily Ever After' ....I just LOVE Johnny's smile/grin ~ it's so hot! and what a cameo role for him! Loved it! ;)

*Once again, I have been an absent blogger. I'm not even sure I can call myself a blogger these days. I am still so busy plus my laptop and connection have been
challenging me big time. I can't upload any new paintings or pics because my laptop usb ports are apparently shot. But I wanted to make sure to pop in to say Hello!
Still renovating. Still setting up my new Studio. Still painting and working diligently on my new *secret* projects. I cannot wait for the reveal of those, at least in part at some point before September.
....And, Still missing you guys!

intricacies of...

2010-04-29T10:49:00.004-04:00

contemplating evanescence
comes a breath of life
nirvana

a soulful love

perceived emotions
movement
tangled in its intricacies

a parade of feelings
thoughts
wonderings...

deciphering
the story of ~
what was dreamed
and what we have BECOME.

© 2010

image source: 2tumblr_krk5a9S0uw1qzpe8uo1

Love for Keats
you think it almost crude to loveso fair; so much
conceived in quiet beauty
love can feign the faint of heartit springs forth from buds of weakened desiremade strongmade wholesustaining all elsefrail health ~ so cruel
love requires its chanceits favourallow it its earthly place, season, time
let history know his love
let the romantic poet live within us all...
© 2010* inspired by the film - 'Bright Star' ... and by my beloved poet John Keats (1795-1821)

as I wait for the antidoteto fuel my cure
as I was living a liethat now revealed ~ obscure.
drifting in and outas I rest now amonglily's baredrenched in their scent existing everywhere
and yet nowhere...
© 2010

image source: tumblr*note: I have been dying to use this image ~ it's so unique! and so it may not match my prose, but hey! :) ...and I been living that whirlwind of activity so my absence has been extended. I am making many changes, updates to my life, my home, my blogs and to my Art. I cannot wait to reveal my latest endeavor but time is needed, quite possibly a few more months...Instead of being absent, I hope to post my *little happenings* ~ if only to keep in touch. Miss you ALL!!! Much love~ ME

more pics over at:

G A R A H S T A H

let's fall in love again...

2010-03-26T12:08:00.000-04:00

She's Back!!!!!!

(got to get me one of these! looks like a stylin' vintage Vespa! :)

Yes, I am finally making an appearance. It has been a whirlwind of activity. I hadn't planned on being away so long, let alone at all. Life has been busy! In good ways! I have been doing small remodeling projects. Re-decorating rooms in my home and prepping for larger remodeling projects that should be taking place soon (fingers crossed). Kids were on break from school. I also traveled to Arizona (my home away from home), and while there, stood up in my best friend's wedding! ... caught a bad cold upon return :( ...It was a very fast and furiously fun trip. We had a fabulous time and because it was short, I am already planning a return trip. I used to live in AZ and though I don't think I would enjoy living there now, it is so great to visit in February and have the most beautiful temps, in the 70's = perfection! I especially love the nights in AZ. It's so beautiful to sit outside enjoying a glass of wine hanging out with friends, old and new. We didn't have much downtime due to wedding preparations, pedicures, hair, shopping, rehearsal dinner, etc. The outdoor wedding turned out so lovely and we managed to escape the forecasted rain. And for additional FUN that night we visited an Irish Pub and listened to a great band...Love the banter that goes on between the band and the audience...so much fun! Felt like I was in the film PS I Love You ~ the only thing missing was Gerard Butler ;) I wanted so badly to get up and dance like they did in Riverdance and Lord of the Dance...but instead you dance with your hands pounding on the table to the beat; very hypnotic! Feels a bit like static dance, definitely groovy :)
I miss the desert already and my best friend!

I also wanted to touch base to thank all of you, my sweet blogger friends for sending notes and comments wishing me well and wondering where I've gone to. I appreciate your hanging in there during my absence. I miss visiting all of you and hope to do so very soon. Honestly, I am amazed I ever had time to blog before as things have just picked up so much, partly due to the warmer weather. I have sooo many new projects going on and I am very excited for several of them. It's amazing the mental *energy* and *optimism* that spring provides...

sunrise my first morning in AZ...
this was the house they rented for us...I loved the way the sun was touching the clay rooftops in the early morning sun...:)

these were the best I could do for pics...sooo busy I forgot to pack my usb cord for camera :( so my memory card was full...:( but you get the idea....more pics over at:
G A R A H S T A H

See You All Soon!!!

image source: tumblr and all desert pics by Calli

cheers to love...

2010-02-09T09:57:00.000-05:00

love

love ...
(the key)

let love rest upon my breast

my soul

let it nurture my want of you

let if feed upon all that you are

and all that i am

when i am with you

we are unstoppable

we are !

i am

you are

no two more made for LOVE

there was a time not long ago
when true love seemed impossible, tainted
but LOVE is always possible

you are here

i am here

we have found what we have both

always wanted,

always needed

some things are just meant to be

you are LOVE

happy Valentine's day...

~
Happy Valentine's Day to all of you!!!!!
Spread the love...

©
2010
image source: Marion Cottilard (french actress), key to my heart,
'Heart on the Mend' a paintng by Calli - 2006,
hands, and lolz.ir

purging the way back into love...

2010-02-03T17:54:00.002-05:00

Feeling an urging, a purging, a clearing the way (symbolically) just in time for Valentine's Day!!!

How often do we find ourselves - HURT and wondering how in the hell did I let that happen - again?
We let it happen because we trust and as we all know we can trust to the point of being oblivious to the truth. The phrase love is blind coined by Shakespeare, was/is too true.

But at the same time, love is grand! It is everything! Love is what urges me on each & every day. I am a hopeful romantic. You all know I believe that is the main reason we are here. When I write about love it is usually one extreme to the other and that 'something' in between. That's the way love goes. We can be fiercely, passionately in love or complacent in that love or we can feel a comfort level , a safeness within that love or anything in between. I love the grand, fiercely passionate kind of love and I think that can be found and still bring about that sense of comfort and safeness. BUT, we do this ourselves; for ourselves. IF we're smart we will make sure we feel this in our own lives, in our own hearts before taking on another love. You would think this knowledge could come at an earlier time in ones life? You would think that once this knowledge came the message would stick?...but not always the case because love is blind or it can be. I think when we are in love all sense goes out the window, if we're not careful. IT would be so great if we all knew at a very young age but chances are we live. we love, we eventually learn. IT doesn't matter so much what someone; a parent or a mentor tries to teach us. We have to experience, plain and simple. But I always try to instill in my children that they themselves create their own happiness and that love can only add to the richness in their lives. I will keep telling them that, until I finally get it...... ;)

a poem of purging:

feigned emotions
a counterfeit love
designed
a forgery to the heart

for what?
what purpose?
to understand, one must
enter the mind of a womanizer

he puts forth exhaustive efforts
to make women fall ~
and fall they do...

until they crash and burn
(some bitterly)
to the depths of her own hell

until she realizes
that she cannot live his lie she will not be his conscience

she'll move heaven & earth
to once again

seek her own beautiful truth
~

sweet images... THAT is the way it should feel...and even with the commercialization of the all too dreaded Valentine's Day...I still believe in LOVEbut if love lets me down again...
you can find me here....;)

©
2010
image source: veza1_largenbsp; tumblr images and
Cowgirl_in_Heaven+thestoeckleincollection

and a quote I really ~~like~~: make that love!

by Howard Zinn

To be hopeful in bad times is not just foolishly romantic. It is based on the fact that human history is a history not only of cruelty, but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, kindness.
What we choose to emphasize in this complex history will determine our lives. If we see only the worst, it destroys our capacity to do something. If we remember those times and places -- and there are so many -- where people have behaved magnificently, this gives us the energy to act, and at least the possibility of sending this spinning top of a world in a different direction.

And if we do act, in however small a way, we don't have to wait for some grand utopian future. The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory.

new paintings to be found at...

2010-01-25T17:05:00.000-05:00

G A R A H S T A H

hope you'll visit me there ...

and to all of you who stopped by

and commented so generously on my interview with Cynthia of:

http://poemflesh2.blogspot.com/

thank you so much...

POEMFLESH2: DIALOGUE - an interview...

2010-01-18T19:04:00.003-05:00

Hi Everyone! …I would love for

you to visit my dear friend and fellow blogger Cynthia of POEMFLESH2: DIALOGUE. Cynthia asked if I would like to be a part of her new blog format and partake in an interview about my art and poetry. Obviously, I was thrilled to do so and it was so enjoyable. Plus it gives me the opportunity to lighten things up a bit around here and engage in some shameless and tawdry self-promotion ;) ...LOL

And, it goes without saying, I really love her poetry …Please visit her, check out our dialogue and move slowly back through her pages for her intelligent, intriguing, sensual and captivating work.

Many of you already know her but for those who do not, just know you will be delighted.

Thank you all...
And Thank you so much, Cynthia! See you there...
http://poemflesh2.blogspot.com/

She is on one side of Truth, He on the other...

2010-01-15T15:20:00.001-05:00

discontent swallows whole

ALL those things once held dear

discontent

and a heavy heart

wavering…

a tug of war

between empowering thoughts

and the fall of tears

discontent

makes time stand still

as restless longing

turns to need

for sleep

for a rainy day

for the trail of tears

to be kissed away and made right

by the one who inflicted the wrongs

but what she really needs

is to find peace

in the knowing

that the only thing REAL are her tears

and those things she held dear

sadly ~ were not

She is on one side of Truth and He on the other…

2010

image source: woman_crying_1jpg

in the midst of...

2010-01-08T11:11:00.004-05:00

dark introspection
leading to the ultimate

~ of joyous release

©
2010

image source: 842739767_f5b780519c
* thank you all for your sweet wishes during the holidays and since. I hope you all experienced the best of holiday seasons! I am still on somewhat of a break and apologize for not having visited... I hadn't realized that
this break was so needed until I was in the midst of it.

but I will be back soon and miss all of you, and your posts.
thank you!

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year all...see you soon!

2009-12-22T21:10:00.000-05:00

I want to wish you all a joyous, love-filled, healthy holiday season and New Year. You have all been a huge part of my world, this past year. I had re-surfaced with this blog and it has been a great outlet for creativity and
self-expression. Your feedback has always been supportive and loving. I love this community and how we back each other up and share, and I have met so many kindred-spirits. That is what blogging is all about. It is a wonderfully supportive place to be. Thank you all! ~ I wrote this and more originally knowing that I was planning on taking a break between Xmas and New Year's. I want to spend time with my kids while they are on winter break and want to recharge, renew and otherwise work on special projects, gearing up for the new year...then ...life happensI had prepared this post early this morning and it took me all day to get it posted, as my children have caught a stomach virus and have been ill for hours now. I am praying I am able to escape it as Moms can't get sick when needing to take care of their kids. f i n g e r s c r o s s e d ...

I had hoped to make my rounds to all of your blogs and return emails but it seems I may not be able to before the holiday. Please know I send you the very best of wishes for a perfect holiday!

Merry Christmas! ~ Happy New Year!
much love & peace

See you soon!

image source: see you soon by rick blackwell

i dream a dream...

2009-12-18T16:39:00.004-05:00

we all have a dream or dreams. one ofmine is to be able to ice skate
like a graceful, flowing, lovely, athletic ~ figure skater. i want for that ease of
movement. i want to feel the cool air on my face as i twirl in
enormous circle eights; designed by my skates and felt with my heart.
i have not skated since i was young and
want to so badly. I used to rollerblade and loved it but
injuries have made that a current thing of the past. i cross-country
ski'd and fell on my ass more times than i can count, but i had a damn good time trying.
and it should be of no surprise when i say that figure skating
is one of my favourite events in the Olympics. love to watch
the fluid movement of these ice dancers! much like ballet, so free flowing
and beautiful. just amazing! sometimes, so beautiful, it can reduce me to tears.

i suppose i think of this, when i hear,
Joni Mitchell's ~ 'River' ...a song i listen to often.

as noted by my sidebar ;)

Its meaning sad and melancholy, about losing a lover, but i love the song, music and lyrics. what's not to love, it's soulful and sung by Joni Mitchell or even Sarah Mclachlan, just beautiful. a song that has always tugged at my
Christmastime heartstrings. and the image of ice skating
just takes me to another place and time when life was simpler, innocent or so i imagine.
eras past where skating was a loved and treasured pastime. a place for a promising date.
a time when families did something 'together'... it just stirs up so many emotions
and feelings. God, how i love this time of year. a time of endings and yet a time of
new beginnings.

Happy Christmas, all...with love

~ Gelukkige Kerstmis ~ Glückliches Weihnachten ~

Noël heureux ~ Feliz Navidad ~ Natale felice ~ Natal feliz

image source: photo 1: tumblr++recklesslyming
photo 2: cestnouveautumblr
photo 3: not-long-now+-15-days

monastery of soul ...

2009-12-14T14:17:00.000-05:00

cloistered in semi-darknessa monastery of soul greyness cold, alone
writhing in wait for days to once again
advance the light
as the deficit defeats the senses
stymies the voice,
inhibits the muse,
ensures dormancy

the need to restore compells inner action
to renew
invigorate the senses
there is no wish to wait for Springthough this rest is fiercely determinedwhile it seemingly inflicts with no remorse
quietlysecretlysomething seeps inmaking provisionsto enhance strengthto garner power
for times to come
...in love
...in hope...in uprooting an inert existence

a quickening
a pulse
palpitations indicating
the wake up call to LIVE LIFE
and yet
life has forced this breathing space
this adjournment in part, a design on the future?
stirring devotion from deep within
to make love, make life, make sense of all this -- all this that came before NOW

a respite
before the reckoning
a relinquishing of control
a forcing of hands a leveling of spirit
waist deep

a cleansing

a purifying to gain
a readying for ...wisdom brought forthvia a Master Plan to cultivate
the ESSENCE of LIFE

this you are...this you were...

2009-12-10T10:05:00.000-05:00

you entered my life at a time
when things were just beginning to move...
stagnant times were had
then suddenly just before you arrived
my soul started to sway, dance, flutter

I knew of your arrival before
you stepped into my world
the veil pulled back
in recognition of youin recognition of me
life was sometimes sad, oppressive
yet I released myself
from that sadness
oppression
some of it
pulled back violently
a veil that could not withstand the test of time.

I'd spent so much time making headway
into a happier place
a happier timeyears
then you came
i smiled
i knew i was in for something tangible
beautiful
loving
mutual

your vibe,
aura,
soul
was felt,
noticedlong before I laid eyes on you.

i, backed into a corner
for quite sometime
knew that was not the place for me*(nobody puts Baby in the corner! :)
i have let my creative self-shineeven more
with your aid
because you've given
and given much to inspire,
youbrought joy

all these things
that make up who we are
who i am
who you are

these are good things
these are great things
these are beautiful and we are so lucky
to have our friendship
our love
our bond
it is a bond
a bond
that is glued together
with light and love and peace
and a creative melding

such similarity between us
we knew of from the start
we loved that from the start
we love it still...

i love how we grow into
something more
more substantial
each day
each new way

i love you my friend! I do!

©2009*had to put that in -for Patrick Swayze (RIP)**written for a friend some time ago...
image source: Friends_Forever_by_vizionsphotography

A NEW WIP and lots of XMAS Photos...please go see! G A R A H S T A H

she tried...

2009-12-07T09:59:00.001-05:00

she came to this placeafter lookin' for some peace
ridin those southwestern winds
like the bohemian soulthat she was at her core...
she was lookin' for her next adventure,sure beat puttin' her head in the sandthe sand, leveled by the love she thought she knewbut she didn't know a damn thingcept' that he was cruel

she could put her head in the sand become the hermitbut she had a destiny
a vivid dance with
her new fate
that called from a far off place
so she roamed the mountains
climbed them
one by one
lookin' over her shoulder
from time to time ~guess that's to be expected

what was it she ran away from?
what kind of past was hers?
was she loved?
had she left a piece of herself
behind in
some old dusty town?the one
where he lived
where he turned to stone

she tried

she gave her all

but times were tough

and livin' meant more.

she had no choice
for she was one who lived
who danced beneath the light of the moon
by night and under the benevolent sun
by day
she didn't need him anymoreshe never did,
and besides, he left long before she did
and God knowsshe tried
she gave her all
but times were tough
and livin' meant more.
her soul was tellin' her
she needed to thrive
to make love along the way
to never cry so hard that she
had to assume the fetal position and just hide away
no, that wasn't her way
temptin' it was, during those rough spells
but she had too much to do
too much to see
and so much to Believe
it was out there for the takin'

but she knew the secret was not to
take but to give her little heart out
and that ~ all her dreams would make!

© 2009
image source: rebekka_guamp240leifsdamp243ttirloosely lyrics...
*long last look, she's still carryin' that damn baggage ~ maybe, it's time to kick that to the curb!

remnants to ripples...

2009-12-02T21:23:00.003-05:00

his warm breath and hands
wrapped her, held her
then escaped without warning
into the cool,

vacant night
she sat leaning to touch the
warmth eminating from the woodstove that was
situated to her left and
to the remnants of him
to her right.

her gaze lingered, for it was there that he sat
holding out his loving hands
to take hers
to embrace her
to pull her face to his
that was the moment when she had let her heart go and finally believed...
but now she is left with remnants...
~but then, but then she felt a stirringa feeling of exaltationshe knew that her true heart was about to be found, by himher true north
all others were leading her to this Onethis Oneshe knew the others', to a degree, were soul matesbut her best soul mate was coming
would soon be here and he would hold herin an embrace to shame all other embraceshis love would exhibithis profound interest in her, in what she wanted and needed and who she wasat her core.and in return he would feel so lovedhe would BE so lovedbecause she would have profound interest in himhe would know he was her true northher true love

and together their love would create ripples, not mere remnantsand their Love would transcend and transform and be shared as the gift that they both recognized
as the truest gift...of the truest love...

Who will love me now by ~UnaObsesion

woman in love3 by ~Fort-o

*the phrase, of which, I borrowed a portion, 'love is profound interest', was coined
by Swami Anandakapila Saraswati's teacher to describe romantic LOVE.
I thought this to be in itself ~ profound!

an interesting article can be found here:
http://www.support4change.com/relationships/love/intimacy/interest-tantric.html

southbound train to nowhere...

2009-11-30T10:39:00.000-05:00

as she walks the tracks of her life she wonders what part he will playor is wanting him like riding a southbound train to nowhere?

he speaks
cojoles, teases,
implies
as if he knows all that has been and will ever be

she just wants to be free,
yet she's tackled
like a quarterback on Sunday
wantin' to move down that field
and
trippin' on steps made
for those over three

his freedom is
not the same as herssome say, "shackled by beliefs that have no place
in the realm of love"
all is not said and done!she's acutely aware
of rights and wrongs
and invisible constraints
that pull like the white of the straight jacket
that strangles the life from
the virtuous woman
she needs to be
and she, she just wants to be free

yet she's tackled
like a quarterback on Sunday
wantin' to move down that field
and
trippin' on steps made
for those over three
~where will she be, come Winter?
when earth sleeps
and the north winds blow
as the ravens make their turn about town
with their tail feathers all aglow
what do the ravens know?...she may never know
as she rides that southbound train to nowhere...

image source: Train_Tracks_2_by_batsforlashes

and so 'not' related to my poem.
take a listen to an awesome new song with Daughtry and Vince Gill ~ here, by pressing the orange button, once you are on the site:
http://www.elyrics.net/read/d/daughtry-lyrics/tennessee-line-lyrics-18.html

*I met Vince a few years ago, what a sweet man!...Even tho' I rarely listen to country music these days, I will always have a soft spot for Vince.
and kudos to Richard Marx for bringing these two together!
He's not only a brilliant songwriter but just plain, brilliant!

sacred dreams~ sacred love...

2009-11-28T13:16:00.003-05:00

you entered my dreams,
sacred dreams
immersed in sensuality
in a sweet softness of
heart-soul love

my dreams
became something
something more,
more beautiful
more sacred
each time I dreamt of you

each time the Gods
allowed me to hold you in
my thoughts and in my arms

each time you spoke
without words
you let me know just how much
you loved me
how you treasured US

for years now
you have visited my dreams
held me closer than even real-life imaginings
knew me better than any real-life soul ever could

your appearance changed
each time but maintained a certain consistency
dark hair, dark eyes
yet feeling the same each time
always strong
always brilliant
always gentle and kind
always knowing that you could never harm
my heart, my body or my soul
you regard my spirit as your spirit
we are One
we are Love
we are forever joined
symbolically
figuratively
literally
spiritually in the heavens born
forever, no matter the lack of
your physical presence in the now
because your soul presence
is always there, always near
as I feel you in my daytime thoughts
and in my daytime dreams
I feel you moving closer

...and I love you

and someday, my twin-soul Love
you will enter my wakened life

and we will be forever set free...

vertigo...

2009-11-23T09:38:00.003-05:00

it comes on strong
out of nowhere
...as can love

it goes
out of nowhere
...as can love

flooded with sensations
dizzying moments
equilibrium ~ out of control
swaying
uncertaintyhead in the clouds
moving
more swaying

to the left
to the right
upside
downside
backward
forward

fluttering herefluttering there
...as
love
moves

to what degree?
what are the
symptoms of love?

Love:
sweaty palms
racing heart
tummy butterflies
lightheadedness
daydreaming
made useless
loss of appetite
no need for sleepanticipation
inability to concentrate

it's almost as if
Love = Vertigo

but one can take a prescription for Vertigo
what can one take for Love?

...but more Love!

©
2009

image source: Vertigo pic of and by Calli* correction: pic not by Callipic by Alexandra

temper this heart...

2009-11-19T14:26:00.002-05:00

she stands
paralyzed
unsure
yet
wanting

she is caught
in the glitz of him

her dreams wandered
took hold, then dissipatedno chance,no chance of fruition

knowing full well
she should run
make haste
temper this desire
this need
to be near, him

for he has not proven himself to her
he has not shown that she can let go
she feels frozen in time
in that time of loving himshe remembers, all too well...
chainedin this space
this wanton space

she wants to let go
she wants to understand
this limbo, this grey space
with so many broken places
she wants
to be free to love
yet letting go does not
seem an option

she is forever having to
temper her heart...
when all she wants to do....

is to love...

©
2009written September 2009

image source:sleepwalker+by+jessica+tremp

please visit my newest painting at: G A R A H S T A H

I am bound...

2009-11-18T11:11:00.004-05:00

I am bound to my lover's touch
his touch, feather light
and yet
so deep

time has passed

yet I am still bound

though he is no longer here

no longer near

I carry him with me
day and night...
night and day...

there is pain in his absence

oh my love!

It pains me to live without
his touch
and I linger here in memories
of what it felt to live in his embrace

I carry my love
as the seasons pass
their glory only serves to remind and heighten
what was...

A little space in time
a fleeting moment
a love ~ beautiful

yet a love not meant to last

I am bound to my lover's touch...

her time will come...

2009-11-16T14:55:00.001-05:00

sheltered she remains for she is safe
from hurt
from pain
from heartachethough she endures a secret painfor she is not sharing that part of herself that is even more deeply Her
she nurtures in the homeyet dreams of being the one nurturedthough, one thing comes before the otherat least for a time...
her time will come of this she knowsand for this she will be ready...

*I am enthralled by his beautiful drawings and visionary art...zoom in for the full-effect

autumn as metaphor...

2009-11-12T08:02:00.001-05:00

Indian Summer

summoned by Autumn to make

her final curtain call

after Autumn heightened her glory

she secretly wished to retreat
but held on for just awhile longer

does she weep?

does she leave quietly

and gracefully?

she had sensed Winter lingering in wait
yet he made no demands
because he knew his fate

she felt fragile, depleted, spent...

after all she had given,

though, as is her way,
she gave freely and with love
yet, even as she gave, the giving took something from her
it had to, as a sign to re-build her strength
for her next vital performance

~

why does she hang on till the twelfth month's near end,

after all her sacred beauty has gone?

because
even though her time is short

the letting go, is always painful...

2009
image source: spirit of autumn_il_ 430xN.56319247

Architect of her life...

2009-11-05T15:33:00.001-05:00

Her story unfolded,
Her energy depleted
She
breathlessly waited, hoped…
but not today
today she moves into the crisp
new russet, tawny wheat
world covered in blue skies
that defies all other blue skies
as the grey takes a rest
as she pounds the pavement to the
breaking day
breaking convention
breaking past the lies. the fate
that only served to
weigh her down,
yet now give strength.

she now sees beyond the falseness that
consumed …
there is newness
to be found in the light of day

today
to her
it's all new
bringing hope as the ocean waves hurl their energy
against her very being
cleansing her soul that has lived its sorrows
bringing forth a gentle all-consuming love
one that has deemed itself worthy
of praise, of reciprocity,
of trust
of respect

as she closes her eyes
she intends beauty to seep into every pore of her body,
her spirit
every vein, every cell
Consume her O’ love
Consume her, yet let her keep
her Self-intact,
her faith in relationship

Let her flow between give and take
Let her exist and yet stand-alone
A woman unto herself
Unto her achievements
Her plans
Her goals

She will thrive in a new day
In a new way
Fresh as the sun as it warms the sheets
that dry on the line that sways in the breeze
As all the details of her life,
her loves, move in and out of this realm of life and living

as she comes to understand
her needs
her wants
and the difference between the two
she becomes more herself than ever before
she has a power and a strength
that multiplies as she opens her heart
her mind, her soul, to something more suited to her
and she love’s with all she has and more

she will write
paint
design her very existence
she will ease into whatever comes her way
good
bad
sad
indifferent

she will know how to proceed
as she listens more intently
to her joys, to those things that speak
to her soul and leave the
most significant mark upon her

like a tattoo or tapestry
of her life the way it was written,
intended to play out,
to be drawn, to be weaved

it could have gone in any direction but it went where
it did and it always will,
though now she will see more vividly
the direction that is healthiest for her
and she will ride that wave
with gusto
with moxy
with a sharp wit and mind to match
she will flow
she will go
…she will LIVE STRONG

As the Architect of her life that
The Gods intended…

©
2009

image source: Citadel by=petitscargot

for my newest painting visit: G A R A H S T A H

Autumn Rush...

2009-10-26T22:12:00.001-04:00

for several more pics of Autumn country living, click here:

G A R A H S T A H

turning inward...

2009-10-24T18:04:00.002-04:00

Tears turning inward

flooding her insides
as her heart becomes inflamed
with a hurt so deep
so dark
charred by an absence
of love, of respect,
of care...of him...

Tears turning inward
filling her mind
her heart
her spirit ~ with the deepest pain in the darkest placein the deepest way...
Tears turning inwardfor they have nowhere else to go
heart dying inside turning black scorched by her burning tears
deceased being
deceased heart
deceased love
deceased from the fragile state that ITonce was for love ceased to be what was thoughtthe path was decided for herand there was no chance for her, for them.
fate? decided that it was not okay and not okay for her to express her thoughts, her feelings, so she held them at bayuntil they had no choice but to move inwardas no outward release could be found...
...what decided this?she had no part...
she is left withTears turning inward.

As you slipped into the darkness

your soul cried out for the chains

to be pried from their grip that

held and

suffocated your being

this crinoline steel-like web that's cast itself

to the winds

to the deepest darkest places

where life has no chance to be,

to survive

what else is there to

this dance of damning qualities

within, without...

where life has turned

brought a wickedness

from below

levels deep

hidden in disparaging thoughts

that forever drown
who she wants to be...

2009

image source: Tears_of_stone_III_In_memoriam_by_aphostol

sweet surrender and such... 3 for 1

2009-10-21T11:11:00.007-04:00

bring to me

this

sweet surrenderthat lives within these shades of grey days of grey
days of grey

i come undone
when you're away
you're away
you're away...

sweet surrender
painful and sweet are you!
sweet surrender
is all i can do...

i come undone
each time your face meets mine
and we stand before this love
sublime...
i come undone

o' i dream
i dream
i dream

Until the spell is broken
broken
broken
all the while wondering if you're true...
true
true

if you're true...

do not take
from me that which is ME

let me always know and be at comfort
with the unknown

for we speak
we share
we commune
we devise
we plan
we exist
we acknowledge

the unknown does not frighten ME
though i have been known to frighten the UNKNOWN

for he or she knows of the Beauty
that i seek...

oh, if i were you my love
i would settle in to those feelings,

the unknown
has bequeathed
upon you
and in turn me...
to not bend with such
and dance with awhile, would be
ever so sinful
a gift as this should not be
ignored
forgotten
or displaced.

can't you see this love?
or does it simply
resemble all
others you have seen?
is it different?
something special,
something charmed and magnificent?!
is it ordinary
or extraordinary?!

is is unreal or real?
you tell me my love
lend me your thoughts, love

for mine are laid out like
a platter filled with feast
symbolic of the feast of the gods
that lay at your feet and mine...

shall we partake
what a treat that would make
but as long as we do not forsake

oh my love, where shall we go?
do we flee?
or simply lay it to rest
my love

oh my love

ohmy
love...
if i were you...

© 2009
image source:couple+in+cafe...7RGgy4cxidb73efd9qv1OwYx_500
my newest painting (especially for my kindred-spirit sisters) at: G A R A H S T A H

awakening the Muse ...a 5 for 1

2009-10-17T10:27:00.002-04:00

she wanted

so she waited
she never quite knew which way the
wind would fashion itself next...but she held on.

was she misguided to believe?
through trial and error
she sequestered her thoughts...no one would ever know the depth
of her knowledge
she's had no choice but to remain silent
she is aware of unspoken motives
she is aware of the said and the unsaid

her gift? or more accurately ~
her burden
her silenceher silence

she hides behind this knowledge
she cannot open the wound until she knows she can have the purity and honesty
that she lives for

death of faith
death of faith

let downdisenchanted is she, from the story she lived, loved, told herself.

how can ones faith function and remain intact
in this pool of obscurity?
her heart downtrodden she moves on from the maize that her love has become.
a lover's choice
freedom her only choice
freedom to loveto be loved in return...as fortune, will be hersshe will know a love like no othershe will not live behind rules, religion, or the creedof others' only those of her own making
true love...that is her creed
her religion

your kiss was not a kiss goodbye
yet your kiss remains the reason why

a song of love...a ballad...
lost... found...lost again

your kiss whispered many a tale

a collaborationof feelings
shared...

conceived in the mind,
felt in the heart
leaving an imprint upon the soul

companions in living
in dying
though never near

imagined then realized by a
fleeting impulse as evidence was made
touched createdand nothing will ever be the same

thwarted by imposing obligationsa life already lived

distorted
elusive wants mixed with
inflated dreams
inflated by your kisses
the ones that

diffused light in darker days...

facets of youthat glisten in the setting Sun
dancing on raindrops as rainbows form across the skies
from one end to the other i love you!
i found you on one sideand i on the otheras we met in the middle
where forever rainbows reside...

fears have fed hurt to my loverfeeding more hurt to my fearsas uncertainties lay openbefore US like a wall made of stonethat lays before the garden planted with what if's and i told you so's
reverting to a darkened corner that is all that can be done

a pregnant pause

as my love for you

streams back & forth

between levels of consciousness

finding myself

letting go

lingering midway

between this heaven and hell

this limbo

yet whatever the Gods deem

will be so...

wherefore art thou muse? ...

2009-10-16T16:44:00.013-04:00

muse, oh muse
wherefore art thou muse?

i , stranded with paint and palette in hand,
wasting away, as my brush has not been
compelled to reach the canvas.

oh muse ye do
paint my thoughts, yes
but that is as far it goes
and words they wander
yet do not flow

oh muse
come back to me

bring forth C R E A T I V I T Y!

Romeo & Juliet, they had much to whine of
but I, I in deeper need than even they

Please bring forth C R E A T I V I T Y!

ye are present in these veins
oh muse
and in this blood
but ye are sleeping
on the job
and need to awaken!

or I shall wax and wane with the Moon
and ye fickle one will be deserted and be the one left behind.
oh muse! ...
Wake Up! what'd ya think this is? a paid vacation?

much ado about nothin...

2009-10-13T15:17:00.000-04:00

much ado about nothin at:

G A R A H S T A H

dance of Autumn...

2009-10-06T11:11:00.007-04:00

the dance of Autumn
charmed by the crisp, cool air
alive with a musky
heavy laden scent of what's to come!

imagination dancing...   flourishing...
   preparing...
   rendering...

challenging the senses
awakening the muse

airing of the stale, old, dead...
reveling in the newthat is illumined by the harvest moon

life quickened before its pending sudden halt
as it lays to rest at winter's edge
where dormant lies the earth
where souls retreat to regain

  mother earth will once again be at rest
yet, at this moment
Autumn's joy is felt
with visions of country churches whose steeples peek through
painted hilltops of gold and crimson
aglow with a morning mist; a veil delaying the day's entrance for just a little while longer...while pink swirls attempt to be seen, reaching out
morphing into skies rendered in vivid blues
till late day winds blow
churning skies of grey
tempting to wisk it ALL away
away...
away...

when ALL that is wanted
is for her to stay

Like lovers holding on as long as they can
whose stolen momentspaint the soul
while holding...
to Autumn's final dance~
darling, do not go as Autumn doesas she bows once more before a standing ovationbegging an encore
do not go!stay, as long as you can
rest in these armsstay...stay...
let them embrace you like the shroud of Autumnembraces the earth
if only, for just a little while longer...

as the skies open...

2009-10-02T17:30:00.001-04:00

as the skies open

my soul sighs as I breathe yet another breath

as a river flows and is never the same twice;

the sky too, transforms, transcends

clouds move, dance, touch, then move on

forever changed, shapeshifting

into something new...

as do our lives...

i am this one day

i am something else the next

our love is one thing

and becomes yet another

all that can be hoped for is for the next level

to be better

more meaningful
more beautiful

more enriching

that each day ~ a new way,

a heightened love is achieved

moving,

striving

reaching

loving into a new place

yet held together
like a luminous

strand of pearls

a gossamer thread that ties, binds

where some part

some element,

remains

forever unchanged

the basis of that love

its beginnings

what brought that love into BEING

~ let that remain

forever intact

~ ~ ~

i remember our beginning

and you touched me deeply...

this is why i love you

this is why in the big scheme of things...

i always will.

2009

all photos by Calli ~ September 2009

where the road meets the sun...

2009-09-28T09:56:00.006-04:00

Matthew Perryman Jones
Where The Road Meets The Sun lyrics

Feat. Katie Herzig
Angel wings spread over water worn wishes
Guarding the dreams and the things left unsaid

Here we are wandering, aimlessly roaming

Lovers who linger and never forget

And when it's done we will walk where the road meets the sun

Waiting for you by the Santa Maria

How long does thou stay with these letters from you

I don't know whether we'll end up together

But I always know that our love is true

And when it's done we will walk where the road meets the sun

KATIE: Don't disappear

MATTHEW: Darlin', I want you

KATIE: Don't leave me here

MATTHEW: And when the day comes

KATIE: I'll meet you here
BOTH: 'Cause I know that wishes come true

Finding my way back to you

Angels wings spread over water worn wishes

Guarding the dreams and the things left unsaid

And when it's done we will walk where the road meets the sun

photo by Calli ~ July 2009

some new pics at: G A R A H S T A H

sepia dreams...

2009-09-23T13:44:00.003-04:00

sepia dreams
16 x 20 mixed media on canvas

~
sepia dreams
tinted
with melancholy
with your love

sepia dreams
coloured
in various shades of greys and browns
that cloud what was,
what is...

sepia dreams
antiqued like the memories that still live

in you
in me
in us...

©
2009

image source: new painting by Calli
some new pics at: G A R A H S T A H

worthy of sharing? ...winds of change...

2009-09-21T11:44:00.006-04:00

Autumn breaks through the barriers

of the late Summer Sun

Harvest has begun...

Leaves come to shroud the dissonance

that build upon the lands

readying themselves for Winter's long embrace

She comes...

He goes...

They move in separate ways.

yet, mysterious ones.

For what was known

is incomplete...

Autumn carries with it

a breath of exuberant air!

the dissonance so greatly needs.

come now lover

do not wait for the frost.

come now lover

when the leaves begin their dance

among smoky grey blue skies,

where the hawks fly

in unison,

bringing messages to those that

need them...

windows lay open for those last seasonal

breezes that blow,

bring change,

a new perspective

new opportunities

come now lover while the Sun streams through

the trees, and rises in the east hills of green, still,

yet becoming gold, red, orange.

come now lover

do not wait any longer

as the earth is readying herself

i ready myself for you...

©
2009

image source: Messages of the Hawk by Calli ~ This is an old painting that was published a few years ago, but one I would clearly make some changes to now. Yet, I still love the meaning behind it!

Welcoming Autumn...

welcoming you...

some new pics at: G A R A H S T A H

a new painting...

2009-09-16T14:05:00.008-04:00

my newest painting at: G A R A H S T A H
...I do hope you'll visit me at my art blog and do consider

being a follower there as well, so that when I post

a new painting, you will know.

thank you!

Please know, I'll still be around to visit from time to time.

much love~

time...

2009-09-15T11:11:00.004-04:00

The Song Maker
by Sara Teasdale

I MADE a hundred little songs
That told the joy and pain of love,
And sang them blithely, tho' I knew
No whit thereof.
I was a weaver deaf and blind;
A miracle was wrought for me,
But I have lost my skill to weave
Since I can see.
For while I sang -- ah swift and strange!
Love passed and touched me on the brow,
And I who made so many songs
Am silent now

*it seems I have grown tired of my own words

and so i take a little break from writing.

i hope to continue posting new paintings on

my art blog and also my art site. if i have

anything fresh & new to contribute, i will

certainly bring it here to post.

i will be visiting all of your pages, as time allows

because, i never tire of your words, your art

or your creativity!

much love~

image sourc: train+tracks++12216829046wbLIpG

* i so wish i knew the photographers name to credit this stunning photo properly.

for my love rests on wings...

2009-09-14T11:11:00.003-04:00

for my love rests on wings

butterflies
that flutter against the grain
of the wheat that blows wistfully
in the sweet winds of love

he waits for me
to

transform

he knows the time is near...

i waited for him...

i wait for him still...

yet my transformation is not yet complete

like falling leaves in Autumn

his soul whispers cascade

on the breeze that carries our future

on the clouds that survey our landscape,

on the seas that chart our course
on meandering paths that we will walk

as we greet
covered bridges
where we will stop to kiss

and atop hay bails

where we'll play
in that old barn that rests up on the hill...

he waits so beautifully

he keeps to himself

knowing full well, that

i am almost there

he's enjoying the flight

yet he longs for me to fly along side him

on wings of butterflies

that carry us forth

to new places.

new dimensions of love

together...

image source: 'to the source'... an older painting by Calli

click the link to view one of my completed WIP (work-in-progress):
G A R A H S T A H

wanting to know more...

2009-09-12T19:22:00.001-04:00

the experience of him

being near him

brought whispers

of a love of past

and inklings of a future love

to feel known

and to feel from him

the desire, to be known more fully

a lovely feeling, indeed!

she thought she knew him

but discovered, and pleasantly so

that he was so much more

than what she thought,

imagined.

this seemed impossible (though she knows that nothing is impossible).

for he was already upon a pedestal in her mind

she thought to herself, "how can this be?" ...

"he's fantastic"...

"i want to know more"...

...

knowing others on the deepest level

is her way and also his

so the two shall meet

magnify their qualities

grow as two,

stronger than one...

wanting to know someone

inside and out

that drive

that force

that says, I MUST know more

...

he searches every inch of her

his need as great as hers

this is the way it should be

he sees things in her that

delight and surprise

for he also thought he knew her

but together

there is something
new,
magnified,
brilliant...

oh, the joy they will share getting to know MORE...

the essence of...

2009-09-10T19:22:00.005-04:00

wanting him
needing,
desiring with a hunger, that defies logic.

how can one man be
so symbolic of the gods
and have such persuasive power?
charisma?
and... not even know it
he's enchanting,
intoxicating!
he breathes life
into my heart...
my soul...
my mind...

he sweeps through me and
creates in me a flame
an inextinguishable burning flame.
a passion unsurpassed
infused with an
energy to rival that of Olympians

he brings this to me and more...

what is it exactly?
if it could be named
i would
if it would be bottled
i could
and drink it up
have my fill
but would i ever feel
i've had enough?
i think not!
this brand of hunger
cannot be satisfied,
this hunger, an intensely
animal desire to be with him.
to have him near.

what is it?

elusive in nature, his essence,
inexplicable
yet
loving.
deeply.
deeply loving.
not at all contrived
it's simply his way.

i am confused by the urgency felt,
this need to know
is he my Garden of Eden?
or my Camelot?

such mysteries exist, but
to taunt?
to tease?
yet only for those of us
who demand answers,
explanations as to why
do we feel such unease

the only thing i know
is that he arrived like a whisper
a soft, knowing, gallant whisper.

perhaps, just to be
is the way
the only way

i am humbled by this silence, this lesson.
i need to let go
of the need to know
and

just let it be...
HIS essence elusive to me...

©
2009

image source: oh for the fun of it, a pic of Gerard Butler, just because i can! ;)and please note this is NOT written about Gerard Butler, his photo just suited this post!

over the edge...

2009-09-10T14:22:00.005-04:00

had i come to this, gently?
ah, no! on the contrary,
i came to this

beginning with a wicked, whirlwind of a crush
a heart that raced, beat with the rhythm of a Spanish guitar
and weakened knees

over the edge, and made useless by love
embroiled in a passion that has yet to
to be expressed...though my mind has lived
that passion a thousand times...
a thousand ways...

OVER THE EDGE

©
2009
image source: Over_the_edge_by_energyphoto

what lies before her...

2009-09-09T09:09:00.001-04:00

what lies before her?

a fork in the road
...a right
a left...
turns, curves

does she diverge to that left
or to that right

or does she create her own new, fresh,
uncharted path?

she can
she has free-will
she has freedom to choose

will she choose him?
or another?
or her Self as the path...

selfish, no
at times she needs to make herself priority
she needs to tread lightly
slowly
yet have in the present moment
a shining glimmer of hope
for her beautiful future.
she knows that manifesting
takes time.
she knows the beauty of
what she experiences in the present
was created in her past.

it's only getting better!
she is making sure of that.

she works with the Divine
in creating her existence

she desires love.
love is what she is made of
she wants to share that
she will share that
she can wait
she knows that when the
soul wants
the soul waits...

she will have everything
she needs
when the time is right

she has that power
to create

it's in her hands
and create she will...

©
2009

image source: What Lies Before Her ~ (older) painting by Calli

a stranglehold...

2009-09-07T19:22:00.000-04:00

falling bodies
landing in a crypt
of broken hearts
of wants not satisfied
of needs not realized

where have you gone?
you were here
or were you just
an apparition
dust in the wimpering winds...

(an awakening)
(an awakening)

impassioned pleas
be with me...
take me with you...
a stranglehold on my heart
befalls my existence

as steeples rise and fall
as the mist vapors come and go
leaving an encasement
a shell
behind
colourless
wishing to be born

trials
tribulations
when all that is wanted
is freedom gained
granted
taken

caged love
forsaken love
unrequited love
forgotten love
disdainful love

shadow me no longer
tear this cloak
shred it to the winds
flight take me now
for i wish to soar
on skies of cerulean blue
skies of blackened soot
do not suit my soul
with their shades of grey
not even the Moon
recognizes
and the stars not dare...

bring forth
a way...
to exist plainly, simply
outside of your love

sheperds take heed
for darkness prevails here in this land
of stagnant beginnings
and endings that live on

dare not
want not
eclipsed heart
eclipsed dreams
sullen mind
sullen mood

dare not
want not...

a stranglehold...

©
2009

image source: vertigo_jessica tremp

in those moments...

2009-09-06T17:22:00.002-04:00

in those moments
when you say my name
and look intensely into my eyesand caress the back of my neckshoulders
gently,
lovingly

in those moments
when we laughwhen we slip our hands in each other's back pocket
and we sway our hips side-to-side
playfully, as we look out at what scene lies before us

in those moments
when we breathe a little heavier
when you lace your fingers between mine
when your lips touch, ever so slightlythen pull back with a teasewhen we embrace
and i can feel the beating of our hearts
the warmththe anticipationthe oneness

in those moments
i am alive
i am passionate
i am more myself than ever before
in those moments
that we never want to end

we are...
we are...

immersed,
entwined
in a
beautiful
and
sacred
love

play with me...

2009-09-04T17:22:00.010-04:00

be so alive
as to feel every sense
every nuance
...of love
...of play
...of joy
kiss me then run
i will catch you
we will come together
embrace

fall to the sands
...laughing
...holding
...kissing
...smiling
...loving
...teasing

play is
a vital
ingredient,
essential to living!
essential in love!

recipe for living & loving:

1 part play

1 part sensuality

1 part lust

1 part humor

1 part chemistry

1 part compatibility (in mind, body & soul)

1 part respect

1 part equality
1 part kindness

1 part Joie de vivre! ( an extra pinch of this never hurts)...

fold ingredients together, lovingly

and Voilà
you have LOVE...

2009

image source: couples_swept_away_couple2

you sauntered, i ran...

2009-09-03T11:42:00.026-04:00

i dream

i breath

i want

i want...

falling for you
i ran as fast as my legs could carry me
you sauntered
i felt free
and on the breeze
happy
full of excited feelings

i couldn't stop

it was as if fate

had stepped in

to push

to give momentum

to this feeling

to this weary soul

that so desired love ~

above all else...

then at once,
i stood quietly
tried to remain as such
to ponder

...release this hurried feeling

you were in no hurry to begin
i was dying to begin,
to be fully exposed
mind,
heart,
body,
soul...

you took your time...
I could learn a thing or two about that.

©
2009

image source: andrea-h at deviantart
* i love this photographer/these photos...

if you enjoy the song playing go see the video with Sheryl Crow and Sting...it's beautiful...
always on your side

JD where is he when I need him?...a 180 for me...

2009-09-02T11:11:00.013-04:00

oh that man, that JD.
he drives all the ladies crazy!

he's the quintessential bad boy,
with a wicked sensual side
prized by Brando himself, in Don Juan.

and he's a Pirate (Captain Jack Sparrow) that SO turns it on...

i've got friends plentiful, who love him so
doesn't matter what age, they all want to know, JD
even ask, my child number three, has had fights with me ;)

this is also for Dee, besides me, (she's at another blog)
but she knows what I mean. she's got it too, it's a sickness ;)

he brings tingles up and down my spine
when he played in Benny & Joon,
i wanted to make him mine!

oh, JD you sexy, beautiful man
and put up against my other love?
AR (Alan Rickman) well, sweet it is!
but next time don't kill my man, you Sweeney Todd, have some respect, AR's your elder...;)

but what a discovery that you can sing!
i knew you had your roots in a band
but just knowing you can carry a tunesimply magnifies your charm.

who needs Brad or Clooney, we got you
you cover it all, sweet & trueand to top it all offAccording to a new survey in Britain’s Cosmopolitan Magazine, Johnny Depp is the sexiest man in the world.
oh, JD i need to see The Man Who Cried (again & again).speaking of Men, they all love you tooand want what you got, but damnit's innate with you and it can't be boughtso they just have to make do...
Ooo, and give me some Chocolat, Juliette can
live without. she won't mind
i gotta have that gypsy soul
matches so well with mine.

oh, Edward Scissorhands...that was so cool!

Gilbert Grape, you were sweet...
Finding Neverland? you were a dream...
i'm not sure where i loved you best
i just know you got that somethin
that makes finding out, so worth the quest!

oh, JD whenever i am blue
you bring the sunshine, so true!
if i could put you in my pocket
like a little charm, i would...but seeing your face works just fine!that's your sole purpose as i always say, for that face to grace my pages.i'm a little selfish that way.you're like candy and i got no complaintsthat Vanessa, she's one lucky lady!

ya know tho, you freaked me out a little
in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
maybe it was those big teeth, i don't know
but let's let Gene Wilder keep that role.
and now you're the Mad Hatter, can't wait to see!not released in theaters till Spring 2010? ah, but i'll probably wait till you're out on DVD.(why couldn't it be 2003?...;)
You and Tim Burton make quite a pair ~glad you've collaborated it's been anything but square

Ooo, and somehowSleepy Hollow, i've yet to see
i need a JD fix,
better get to Netflix !

© 2009

*this was a trip to write, long overdue.
that JD! ahh...he's somethin!
but, JD give up the smokes, Baby! they'll kill ya!

written totally & completely ~ All In Fun!!! and provided some damn good therapy! ;)

*just in! ~ just found this hilarious video about my boy, Johnny Depp, a perfect fit for this pre-scheduled post (eleven minutes before it's set time)...how do i get so lucky?!!! ...just proves the 'sickness' spreads far & wide...;)
~ enjoy! ~

She is a work-in-progress...

2009-09-01T11:11:00.001-04:00

she is a work-in-progress

she paints pictures and has the need as
deep as any ocean

she attempts to paint her own likeness
only to find, curiously, she cannot.

she is a sometime writer & poet
a bohemian soul at her core and
freedom, she wishes were her middle name.

she is mystical and mysterious
yet an open book

she dreams of a love
so deep
that it simply astounds her
and of fairy tales starring
her and her beloved

she sees beauty in all things ~
in melancholy, even in despair

when she loves, she loves deeply
and completely

she moves in and out of her reality
only because, at times, it’s just too harsh to bear

she loves her children
her god
her mother earth

she is an idealist and a dreamer
she chooses to see the very best in humanity

she lives in a small world
yet a significant one

she has so much love to give

she paints as a way to
express her Self
her emotions
her beliefs

she is in a constant state of evolution, as is her work

a blank canvas thrills her
as she adds brushstrokes one by one
as she leans into something, still unknown

because She, will always be

A work-in-progress…

* you'll recognize some lines from previous poems as this is a compilation

of thoughts...

her voice...

2009-08-31T11:11:00.006-04:00

her voice

choked off

once happy and free
to roam to witness to just be...

feels caged.
stifled.censored.

what was once vital and true
has brought serious blue...

it was her Signature, her way
to pour from the depths of her beingthat is all she knew...
on paper
on canvas
in love

somehow
severed
taken away
her essence her muse
what a price to pay

somewhere her 'freedoms right'
to share
(even if necessary)
no longer feels safe allowed

her voice,

now shamed
now glass, shattered
once, reflected beauty
her voice now

cold
icy
empty
broken...

©

2009

image source: Calli...

tears beseech...

2009-08-30T18:17:00.003-04:00

tears beseech

release and heal
thine heart
for it needs to lay open
in order to accept and invite love

tears beseech

i am like a child
feeling closed off
i do not hear
i shut out this plea from my tears

time passes...

in the distance
a Cello begins to play...

i fall apart...

damn those tears
they got through
they know exactly
what breaks me

wide open
broken open

raw

tears beseech
tears beseech

...so that i

can be free

©

2009
image source; woman0 from aporter.org/cello

who is she?...if... 2 for 1

2009-08-27T11:11:00.006-04:00

who is she
that reaches for dreams
that somehow seem
just beyond her

who is she
that gets lost in thoughts
as seen through her mystical
and philosophical eyes

who is she
that paints pictures
and has the need as deep
as the deepest ocean

who is she
that wishes to be free
to roam this world like the
bohemian soul that resides inside of her

who is she
that moves in & out of her reality
because at times, what is, is just too harsh to bear

who is she that longs for her lover
during those moments when he feels
a million miles away

who is she that mothers her children
and nurtures with a sometimes sad and
overwhelmed heart

who is she? ...

she is me!

image source: meeting by martien@arnhem

if i were able i would uplift
the angst in this world
i would bring Light to
every corner, every darkened path

and so that you could see your
way to me, to us.

if i were able, i would sing
with the voice of an Angel
to soothe the pains
of those who cry
and so that you could hear me and
my silent tears...

if i could i would find you
and keep you near

and live upon that nearness

...until the day i die

©
2009

image source: daydream by martien arnhem

i turn towards you...

2009-08-26T11:11:00.004-04:00

thoughts take their turn
as my face turns to meet your imagined gaze
and my body moves to be caressed by your imagined hands

as your imagined breath meets mine
as your presence stills my heart

your sweet lips lightly touch upon my cheek

i turn, as turning towards you
is all that i can do.

you, sending pleasure
up & across
the meridian of my body, my soul

i tingle
i arch my back as my mind drifts
sweetly, in and out
of this subtle but
unmistakable bliss

...of
you.

© 2009

image source: 028-ohlsson (i do hope this lovely image does not offend anyone. i have wanted to use it for a long time. i love it, and felt it a perfect match for my words)...

free fall...beautiful tears...2 for 1

2009-08-24T19:47:00.001-04:00

Interlude of sorrow
Amid profound silence
That beckons
“Be with me”…

Arduously meditating before a precipice
Am I strong enough?
...to love
Without promise or expectancy?
Can I withstand the probabilities?Can this love truly fulfill?

"let go
fear,
reason."

"reason has no place
in matters of the heart."

"you have loved with promises,
and where did that get you?"

Bearings none,
Or limited, at best.

Walled in
Though
A chance,
A chance to break free.

Dare I step into this unknown?
Love, uncondemned
Sans the pain of a contemptuous rage

To be loved with a
Sacredness felt only
In the deepest caverns of the heart

The inner Chalice or Holy Grail
The capacity of which stuns,and sends even the coldest of hearts to their knees

Dare I step?
Dare I linger here?insulated from all exterior intrusions
Or will fate take position
and force movement?

is this
my time to

Free fall?..

image source: m_xx_155_by_scarabuss

Beautiful tears
They fall
They beckon
Want me by (his) side

Truth be told, no other place
Would feel as natural

Beautiful, sacred tears
They have a knowing
Beyond (our) comprehension
They perceive what the mind cannot
They call upon the heartTake cues from the soul
They plead

Wake up! Declare this love!

This is YOUR chance
At a lasting, all-encompassing love

Be still in mind
Energetic in soul
Blazing in heart

But, GRAB HOLD this resplendent love

© 2009

image source: February__Get_ink__shed_tears__by_TristanGreer

i bequeath my soul...

2009-08-22T14:22:00.006-04:00

I bequeath my soul
To seas and shores
Where once whispered
I love you's!
were met with I love you too's!
On winds now hollowed
with distant and melancholy memories

I bequeath my soul
To rains
To shadows
To trees swaying in the breeze

I bequeath my soul
To rapids fast and furious
To mountain streams
To desert lands

I bequeath my soul
To music that speaks to your soul
and reminds you, of me and my love for you.

I bequeath my soul
To your childrenand know that I have seen them
and they are beautiful.

I bequeath my soul
To sunsets
To sunrisesTo everything in between

I bequeath my soul
To all good and right
rituals near and far

I bequeath my soul
To journeys not yet taken

and as I look out beyond this veil

I bequeath my soul

To you…

© 2009

image source: Cello_Emmanuelle_by_roninsps

*in memory of my Mother; my Angel, whose wings took flight through the Veil, 38 years ago today.somehow, it felt right to write this from what might be, her perspective....and to all of those beautiful souls who journey home and yet somehow leave behind
fragments of their soul, and their love that we will always treasure.

Things I love and am Grateful for...

2009-08-21T14:22:00.000-04:00

Quite awhile ago, several blogger friends were composing gratitude and meme lists. Listing those things that are held dear to each of them. I have finally composed my list...so here it is. i wish it were in its entirety, but that would take up a lot of space. I'd be here all day...

Things I Love and am Grateful for...

at the very top: my Children and my Family... and Being in love!
and with that said, the remainder of the list goes on in NO particular order.

the rain, thunderstorms,country churches,the breeze when it crosses my face or the face of a lover, when a man i love touches my face, this wickedly reminds me of the scene from 'The Way We Were' when Barbra Streisand (Katie) brushes her gloved hand to move Robert Redford (Hubbell's) hair. i die a little, each time i see that.
the sound of children's laughter, the joy of seeing a child read their first words and learn to fall in love with books,
the reciprocated love and joy my pup Oliver and I share,
having my own home, kissing a man i love, being kissed by a man i love.
that feeling that tells you, oh yes, i'm in love, you know that feeling of butterflies
and i can't wait to be near him; the hunger, the longing.
holding a man i love, being able to look at him and know inside the
incredible love i have for him, but also knowing what a deep sense of respect and pride, i have as well. Loving the fact that I get to be with (him). How lucky am I? Not many people can say that, and to me you know you're in a good place when you have that sense of being proud of 'who' your partner is, and he has the same feelings about you.
books and the truly magical world they open up.
art, painting, sculpting, writing, music, poetry, literaturephilosophy, & all things metaphysical and mystical...sunsetsthe beachwhen the Sun streams through the cloudsphotography ~ (i own numerous camera's ).
a great film
a great performance by a talented actor/actressa great movie soundtrack
fresh, crisp high-thread count sheets
the scents of lavender and vanilla combined ~ heavenly
bubble baths
spiced pair, green apple spice or cinnamon scents or candles.
a great cup of coffee
going barefoot
acoustic guitar
the cello
road trips with a spontaneous flair, example: let's see where the road takes us...
great conversationsflowers and gardening
an intelligent man,
a man with a sense of humor to die for! (that should also be at the top) after being in LOVE, but then again, that's usually the 'quality' that puts me over-the-edge for him.
a man who knows how to cherish and loves to be cherished in return.
the smell of the dryer running, especially when it hits the air outside
(strange i know, but i love that!) i could just stand there and inhale it.
okay this one is strange also, but i love the smell of gas while pumping gasoline at the gas station. (don't worry, i inhale in moderation ;-)
tomato and Hellman's mayonnaise sandwiches.
homemade guacamole and salsa,
sushi and avocado veggie rolls with wasabi sauce (i could live on those).
mashed potatoes with homemade gravy.
(okay, that's enough of food stuff because i could go on and on).
being so exhausted you just crash in the deepest way into an incredibly
fabulous nap, preferably while swaying in a hammock. even more preferred, in a hammock for two!
Jeep Wranglers
my favourite season of Autumn. there is no other time when i feel
more ME, that's part of what the season does for me, tho i can't even put it into words.
All of my friends and neighbors, big & small (they are the best ever!)
Golden Retrievers. especially Emma & Jenny my neighbors dogs, they're sisters.
New England, my heaven, my home away from home. If I could be there full-time, I think I'd relocate.
Horses.
panoramic views
Simplicity.
food again, cheesecake, carrot cake, oh shoot me before i go on...
~
I love a great many things and I have learned a long time ago, to be grateful, to
thank God for all these things in my life, both big and small. I honor each one of them...Honestly, this list could go on and on and there are things and people who come into my life on a regular basis and I simply have no choice but to become, even more grateful.

I am also grateful for each & every one of YOU!

©
2009

image source: add-serenity-to-your-garden-with-kn

anguished ~ but for a moment...a 2 for 1...

2009-08-19T15:51:00.010-04:00

how is it this particular
feeling can quicken the pulse while sending
stops & starts of pain
within the heart region?
seemingly
out of nowhere
causing tears to well in
burning eyes
with a sting so fierce!

what is spirit asking? telling? wanting? probing?
i want to sleep, that is what i say.
i just want to sleep.

until this passes…

overwhelmed jaw
taute
hurting with a cry
dying from the deepest region
begging release!

i hold it back
though this face hurts
contorts
where does this begin?
where does this end?
i asked you not to come
i said this heart needed a rest
you defied and came
uninvited
wishes unheard!

fragments of a sad
destitute dream
remembered from weeks ago
why do you reappear?
the hurt,
the angst
the confusion

i know this will pass
and i will once again regain composure

perhaps answers
will never come as to why?

why? this mood comes to pass
my countenance changed
altered
disheveled
it shades, while this body is hurled
into the fetal position
from whence it came
it returns

take back all of it!
give back to this heart
its required shelter
its comfort
no pain

stop ~ go away, i say!
i bleed
i dream
repetitive in nature
a cycle
a turn that comes
goes
comes back yet again

strike!
take your turn and then leave…
i declare sanity!
in an insane world

And thank God,
this too shall pass…

©
2009
image source: anguished by jessica tremp

i, summoned
came forth
only to be left standing
without a cause…

there I stood enveloped
in darkness
tangled in threads that weaved such memories
of you, and of us

at once, a spotlight shone
and circled my form
highlighting imprints left
of black & white
and every shade of grey in between.

messages, words:

why do you stand there my child?
why has your light turned cold?
and dim?

those questions inaudibly received…
those answers inaudibly sent…

my child you are of this Light!
you need not dwell in darkness
for your light is vibrant and essential
and radiates a warmth that those
close to you feel, live and breathe.

this is the purpose of light
to bathe
to soothe
to reflect
to guide
to give Hope
to uplift...

please child let your Light return.
i sent you for a reason and a purpose
be strong in that knowing
S H I N E O N !

…as we planned
…as we set forth as your charted course.

S H I N E O N !

and know there will be moments
where sadness or feelings of defeat will come
nevertheless, you are YOU, and YOU are strong
and will always RISE ABOVE.

because YOU are one of my children
and i treasure and adore you…

Now Go S H I N E O N !

©

image source: _MG_6948ec

he said, she said...

2009-08-15T11:11:00.005-04:00

Dialogue from: a Love Story in Progress

He said, “Baby, you make the Sun wish it shined more brightly!”

She said, “Thank you, Baby! You’re something sweet!”

He said, “How would you choose to spend forever?”

She said, “Loving you, what else!”

He said, “Well, Darling, that can be arranged.”

She said, “I hope I can handle it”

He said, “I’ll be with you, every step of the way!”

She said, “Good! That’s the way I like it! Now, are you hungry? Because, I’m
Starved!”

He said, "That is exactly why I love you! You know how to
have fun, how to laugh, when to be serious, when to be silly.”

She said, “I couldn’t be any other way. And, I am so happy you like who I am.”

He said, “Like, love, adore, and everything in between.”

She said, (while sighing deeply) “I feel the very same, about you.”

©
2009

image source: xmages.net+749045

love in parts...

2009-08-13T12:54:00.011-04:00

Part I

There’s a window
Speaking volumes
Telling, almost secretly saying,
“I am here”…

…willing me towards it
…teasing me towards it

Whispering. “You can believe”…
…“And, I will never hurt you”…

Part II

He is beautiful!

If he were to give his love
Solely to One?
Even the Angels would cry.

Even they would not be able to bear the Beauty!

Part III

Decisions, decisions, decisions…

Part IV

And they lived Happily Ever After!

*well, a girl can dream, can’t she?
damn straight she can!

painting titled: 'window of love'
12 x 16 ~ oil on canvas
a WIP (work-in-progress) by me...

more WIP's at:
G A R A H S T A H ...

©
2009